tabula 12 Thank you for your reply. We have discussed it at length....she is either unable or unwilling to try the various things that might help our sex life.I have suggested that she try to be more 'alluring'...i.e. sexy or flirty...but she says that isn't her. She cannot cope with the idea of vibrators, oral sex or any of the other things that might inject some eroticism into our relationship. Our 23 years of sexual activity have been 100% driven by my libido...now that I have ED, there is no reservoir of sexual activity to draw on. She ( quite rightly) points out that she makes no sexual demands on me because my inability would be very damaging to our relationship....and there is no doubt I should be grateful for that. However, as I have pointed out, to no avail, there is a middle ground ( involving non-penetrative sex) that would enable us to continue having a sex-life...but all the things that it would involve she finds difficult or impossible. So , it's an impasse.View Thread
Thank you for your response.As you say, our situations are different....totally different. My wife is firmly in the 'duty' camp. She enjoys the 'closeness' of sex ( but gets a similar result from cuddling), but orgasm is not on the agenda. She has never had one and has no wish to have one. Vibrators do not feature in our life and never will. You say 'do things to please your wife'....she has no needs or wishes...she has told me she is very happy with our sex life , whether we have sex or not. My needs are seen as excessive...."why shouldn't I be happy with a cuddle?" How do I please/satisfy a woman who has no wish to be 'fulfilled' any further than she is now? I do net exert any pressure but I think you understand my situation perfectly.....to quote your own posting......."She knows what they are and it is up to her to help you"...which is what I have been saying all along. I cannot conceive of any 'plan' that will bring that about or change the status quo at all.....unless one of us enters a monastery.View Thread
We are so far apart that I will limit my reply to a few points. 1) yes I am bitter 2) you have had 10 years more good sex life than I've had. 3) as someone who grew up in a refugee family I know a lot more about PTSD than you do 4) words like 'arousal' have never featured in my sex life 5) most of us don't have a selection of partners to choose from with varying sexual behaviours...we meet who we meet and have to try and make the best of it 6) if my wife had a sexual problem that was upsetting her, or preventing her gaining the satisfaction she craved ( and my wife does not in fact seek satisfaction...but that's irrelevant) then I would do my best to help her.. That approach is not reciprocated in our marriage...but I think it's reasonable to expect it.View Thread
So the obligation is one-sided in your marriage..you are expected to have an obligation to pleasure her...but she ha s no obligation to provide you with any pleasure or satisfaction whatsoever. I think you are being taken for a ride my friend.View Thread
So..to come back to my original question.....does she have any responsibility within our marriage , to help me have a fulfilling sex life?...or, as the problem is down to me, is it entirely my responsibility to find a solution? Or am I being sexist?.....lol!!View Thread
The only other thing I will say is that he is so fortunate to have a lady with needs. If you want to see how different it can be ( and often is !!) , see my recent thread under "ED and a wife's responsibility "View Thread
I don't know how old you are but assume that you have a fair amount of life left yet. So why are you persisting with a relationship that has failed at the first hurdle? Of course it's morally wrong to have sex with a b/f who is attached to someone else...but why not get a new b/f yourself....one who at least gives you the semblance of a sex life?View Thread
I think you are under the impression that if I could get erections and make love to her, all would be fine.As I have said, she isn't bothered if we have sex or not...a cuddle would do fine....and if you see my reply above this one, you will see what I'm up against. Thanks for trying to help though.Oh, and I did look at Betty Dodson's site...it is full of women who can't get the fulfilling sex they want and men who can't fulfill their wives...no mention of women who don't care if they're satisfied or not...and that is my situation.View Thread
She has a strong religious faith but does not practice her religion, except on 'High Days & Holidays'. I have given up completely on the orgasms...she isn't bothered, so why should I be?!. After each of the three she has had, I asked her if she enjoyed it....she said 'it's OK but I'm not bothered if it happens again or not'....I find that close to insulting. In the same way I asked her if she'd suck me off if her life depended on it...she said 'no'. What I would like is a) a sex life and b) something in her actions or words that would give me some sexual self-respect...but apparently that is way too much to ask.View Thread
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