Not to point out the obvious but the fact that your wife has lost her interest is sexual contact secondary to her surgical menopause and her inability to take hormone replace therapy and your diminished interest in sex secondary to ED might not be such a devastating issue in this relationship.
What often causes problems in a relationship is when one partner wishes to remain sexually active (you) and the other does not (the wife).
What, exactly, are you asking? Are you wondering how to make the wife again interested in sex with you? Since you have received her response when you brought the subject up, it doubtful you can "make" her change her mind.
You can suggest outside sexual contacts for yourself (if that is an option you both can agree on) or you can return to your internet porn and masturbation with the help of medication as before.
The bottom line (as it has previously been mentioned here) is that the person with the lowest sexual drive is the one who controls this area in a relationship. Unless she is willing to "work" with you (so to speak) not a lot is likely to happen.
The issue (from an older females point of view) is that a woman who is post menopausal will still understand that her male partner has a sex drive and may be willing to experience intimacy with him as long as the expectation that she not achieve an orgasm be placed on her as this may be very difficult for her. For many men, however, it's the joy of giving their partner satisfaction that is as important to them as their own needs being met. In the end, the frustration of attempting this simply turns the female off from even wishing to be put in the position of any intimacy that involves sexual contact.
Your risk from your encounter back in July was only from the oral sex. The vaginal sex was protected (and, I'm assuming, the condom was used accurately and did not break or tear).
You have gone through considerable testing of both bacterial and viral based STD/STI's ALL with negative test results.
Testing for bacterial based STD's such as gonorrhea and chlamydia look for the actual presence of the offending bacteria. Same with testing for parasitic based STD's. As such, this testing can be done quite soon after an exposure. These tests have been negative.
Testing for viral based STD's such as hepatitis and HIV look for antibodies the immune system begins to produce after transmission has taken place. By one month post transmission 95 percent of newly infected folks will have enough antibodies present. By 3 months this has increased to 99.99 percent. Again, you have testing negative for these too.
STD's do not cause burning sensations across shoulder blades and under the arms.
Your white sticky discharge after having a bowel movement is likely semen discharged with the pressure of the bowel movement. This isn't unusual.
You indicate having clear sticky discharges before this sexual event. What you seeing now is likely nothing more than this again but you are so focused on the issue that you must have some disease from this sexual event that any symptom tends to feed into what sounds like more than a bit of paranoia regarding all of this.
Your post is hard to read because of your poor spelling and grammar. I'm going to assume English may not be your first language.
Your friends telling you these stretch marks on her thighs means she has been pregnant before is inaccurate. Neither does her "hanging breasts" and "belly". When one gains weight (even a small amount)...and not from pregnancy either...the skin can stretch a bit, leaving stretch marks on thighs and the lower abdomen. This in NO WAY guarantees that this took place due to a pregnancy.
Her "wide" vagina is also not a sign that she has been pregnant before. It's likely either a sign that she was aroused when you had intercourse with her or that you have a small penis.
Her telling your family that you are blaming her for no reason is accurate because, frankly, you ARE blaming her for no reason. This is a 30 year old woman; not a teenager. Her body is going to go through the very normal changes seen as we mature as females. This doesn't mean we're cheating with someone or have had previous pregnancies when we haven't.
Either knock it off or seek psychiatric help for your obsession that she is cheating on you when you have no real knowledge of any of this. This is tearing you apart and destroying your marriage. And stop asking advice from your so-called friends; they don't seem knowledgeably enough about this business to be able to chew gum and walk at the same time.
There is no reason for prayers. Honestly. You're not "put to sleep" for an extended period of time.
Any procedure that requires light sedation also requires that you have someone to drive you home afterwards. That's to "cover" the medical facility doing the procedure. And that's why I mentioned there are some folks (men, mainly) who have this done routinely and opt not to have what is known as the "twilight sleep" so they can drive themselves back to work later.
For a chuckle, read one mans experience with the prep and the actual procedure. He's pretty accurate about the entire business:
The scope is flexible; needs to be to make the turns around the colon (think of the large intestine as normally resembling the number "7"). The procedure itself typically takes only 15 to 20 minutes. If "something" is found (and this is typically a polyp) many times it can be removed during the procedure.
A light sedative is used because there can be bloating and pressure felt during the procedure.
We have many patients on various blood thinners. Prior to any procedure, all medications are addressed. Since colonoscopies are now a fairly routine part of "well person" care, many on these medications will undergo this procedure and do perfectly well with it.