Or additional place, however you want to word it. Please send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org , and I will send you an invitation to join. I will be double-checking with another couple of people who will help me decide about invites.
Unfortunately, this won't work for anyone new to this board, but I am sure I won't be the only one checking in here, too, to help support those who have found this community and need to know you are not alone. We are here to support one another.
I told you and now you see.You can't trust no one and the ones that was here didn't take you serious.They stick together no matter right or wrong.
GETTOKNOWME-------------They are fake and I told you so.Put it together now the same ones that ganged up on us are somewhere else talking about it.The same ones you been kissing up to left you here with us cause they don't feel we are worthy of them.You saw they moved to another location because of so call too much drama and they needed a safe place to support.Man open your eyes cause I know you smell this BS.
DEM53---------How your feelings get dismiss so many times by people who call themselves your friend is some messed up stuff.They don't know your struggle or maybe they do and don't care.They are trying to get away from the same drama that they started.They will expose you but if it's done to them then all hell breaks loose.I'm not going to say I feel your pain because I don't.All I feel is my pain and that's the first lie that is told.And if you knew what i know then you would know how much of a fake they are.What happened when I mentioned I was going to expose someone?.....They were gone quicker than you can type the letter I.
SOULKEEPERS------There are no real decent words I can put here to describe people like that.The ones that belittled you was allow to explain but when it came to you and the other two they close their ears.Let me tell you something they never was with you more so of trying to do you in.Because it wasn't about them being concern so never buy that.That whole night post after post was yours and no one said anything but they were concern.
Don't feel bad for you had done because you told them the truth about you happened.I'm sorry they couldn't do the same thing for you but hey that's just some people.here's the link of how it went and as smart as they are they should have known better.The ones that expose you they are so call friends how freaky is that.And I checked the time line it was place on two different sites by two different people not even ten minutes after answering one of them.Some just don't get it if you play with my life on here then it's going to effect my day to day life out here as well.And by assuming two of you figure you were entitled to blast someone thinking they're above the rest.
I think the real reason they wanted off here is because they were sick of dealing with you three and not the drama.Some don't know which way they are headed cause their head is so far up the other persons grass.COME ON WIT IT..................It's sad to said that at least two of you really shook me with this and that's how the trust thing got messed up.
They want other people to take their mess but quick to dash when the heat under their butts.As far as I can tell some people handle pressure better than others but you don't kick a person when they are down.And if you don't like drama then keep your nose out of it when it don't concern you.One against way too many every time you come here it's gonna be drama.Those three were forced off the board and you demanded that this thing be dropped but not by me.
I call that selfish cause you got your way and y'all safe but what about them?...
DEM53.......You guys don't own them nothing and if they are here for you now then they never was.keep your head up and keep pushing forward.No matter what anyone says or how they make you feel rise above this because you can.You need to keep better company then them anyways.View Thread
As a young child I was molested and raped by my father, then began a new cycle of molestation by my step...
Posted by An_253873
As a young child I was molested and raped by my father, then began a new cycle of molestation by my step father when I was in the fifth grade. I want to be able to enjoy sex like normal people seem to. I tried explaining to my partner how my mind wanders during. I usually just imagine scenes, like a lady washing clothes in detail. It's hard to remember exactly what, it's just where my minds goes, I just imagine things. And I really enjoy sex for the most part, I enjoy making my partner happen and it feels good up to a certain point and my mind just shuts it out and it gets uncomfortable. I just want to get past this mental block. I don't know if there's any advice I could be given to help, idk. I know it's probably something I have to work out on my own, and I may never get past it. Any help would be appreciated.View Thread
I have created a private community on WebMD. it was easier than I thought. invite is per email, so I'm still working on that. I may set up a dummy email account for this purpose. "Stay tuned" for more info! Oh, and I am not the only one deciding on members. I have a couple of trusted members from here helping figure this out. My goal is not to hurt anyone's feelings here; however I do feel there are several women who will appreciate still having a place to go for encouragement and to offer encouragement to others without drama.View Thread
Every day begins with an act of courage and hope: Getting out of bed. - Mason Cooley
Hello, Mary. How are you doing these days? I am wondering if you (or anyone here) knows if WebMD will allow a group to start with members joining by invitation only? or if there is another website that will allow that? I miss many of you and would like to find some form of safe communication where we can continue supporting one another.
I will research this option and follow up on this thread.
Godspeed to everyone and "peace be the journey."View Thread
Every day begins with an act of courage and hope: Getting out of bed. - Mason Cooley
Hello everyone! I've been absent from the board because I was having issues that I wasn't dealing with properly. I also wanted to let you know if you have my email address I was hacked on Friday. The hacker took all of my contacts. If you have my email address~would you please send me an email? Thank you kindly and much appreciated!
I try to appear tough around here but still I'm human.I hurt like anyone else and tonight I'm hurting really bad.I need more support than I have right now.I don't know anyone that have or are going through what I'm or shall I say M.>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
M had to have a triple bypass and I don't know how to deal with this.Doctor said the meds didn't work and that happens with those that have diabetes.I saw on the internet what and how they do it and that has me a little tight.The % of those who don't make it off the table and those that do still will in a few months.
I need some reassurance cause nothing else matter. I know GOD is still in the healing business,passing out blessings and saving souls.
Tonight God I need you to send down your blessing.Will you spare my child and yours?..........Please!!!!!!!!!
I thank you for everything that you've brought us through in our lives.You're the only one that can heal the unhealable,take the end and make it a beginning.If this is a test for us then you have the answers cause we can't do it alone.I speak it like I mean it tonight and I want you to truly hear me.
Lord touch her heart,let her feel the love,compassion and power of all that you do.See our tears,feel our pain not only for M and I but for anyone who is in need of your blessing as well.Now I feel like I'm in the presence of God cause your name is refreshed.
Keeping everyone in my prayers and thoughts.View Thread
Lately I haven't been on cause for pass couple of days I just felt like I needed to be alone.Different things going on,family issues,mom still in town and I'm stressing out on so many levels. I've seen and heard lots of things but yet she never seems to amaze me.Before today I was feeling like in some kind of way I was cheating M out of something but I don't know what that something is.I don't wanna lose it in all of this cause it's getting to be a bit too much.
I had these feelings but I didn't wanted them to be.I wanted to understand cause they were to hard for me to conceal the feelings.Somethings are not always what they appear to be and I can't break down to anyone why I have these feelings.Ran into mom at the gas station and that's when I decided to just keep these feelings to myself.She is really making it hard for people to respect her and I try to.Facing each other today I realize that she hasn't change that much from where she's been.
To top it off she must be on something if she think that I'm going to give her answers on stupid questions.What really got to me and made me tear up is sick.I knew what she meant when that statement was mad ( I see you have grown into a man but do you taste like one?..or do you still taste the same? ) If she is bold enough say some s*** like that to me than there's no telling what she might do.
I tried to be nice to her cause I thought that maybe was being too hard on her.She is our mom and that's a fact that can't be disputed and I almost flipped.I came close to letting my temper guide my thoughts but it wasn't worth it.
I have a lot that I need to say but I'm tired.I have been ripping and running the last few days.View Thread
We were married in mid 2012 and having a happy married life until few sexual harassment happened to my wife. Explaining in detail:
We got married and on 7th day of my marriage I had to travel abroad (business). I took my wife along with me for a while wherein she had to return within 3 weeks back to native and join her new job in the company i am working. I have to be at abroad for another 6 months.
Yes It was hard but we had to do that. Me and my wife were in a 5 long years of relationship and we thought we can get over with this duration staying distant to each other.
She joined her job and I was concentrating in my job abroad. We used to speak in phone and skype. There was lot of things happening to both of us and hugely frustrated for being separated after just being married.
I used to share things with my boss and he used to convince me.
My wife too used to share things with her colleage, with this guy. My wife is the team lead while this guy is just a team member. He is older than us, but since he had no relavant experience he had to work as a team member. He is surviving by his mother, wife, sister and his daughter. She used to share our longings to each other, her feelings and stuff. This guy used this opportunity and crossed the limits with my wife. Me, the husband not being around, he started talking to her in sexual oriented. He had told Stuff like below (what i understood from my wife told me in the midst of her cries after me returning):
1. Me and my wife had not been in sexual relationship for a while 2. My wife does not allow me to touch her 3. I am craving for a sexual outburst 4. Your husband is quarrelling with you because you have not satisfied him sexually 5. You should try blow job and stuff 6. Since your husband is abroad you should use masturbation using carrots 7. I will share you a pen drive of videos 8. I am really lonely this weekend, we can go out, just for a coffee 9. We can go out on saturday (next day) and stuff
All these (his behaviour) happened in a friday evening. My wife had to go for weekend college the next day and the her scares started the very next day. She was afraid that he might show up in the college since she had told the venue to him as a friend. My wife is staying with my parents and she is scared like
"what will happen if my inlaws learns about this shameful incident" "What will happen if my husband comes to know about this and mistakes me" "what if world will think bad about me to give this guy 'space' to talk like this" "he had not talked like this to any other girl but only with me he had talked like this, what went wrong? am i looking like such a girl?" "he used to say things about other girls in the team like "this girl sleeps with that guy and stuff", what if he tells things about me around" "in this corporate world he was such a daring person to talk like this, is he influential, what will be my career then"
She didnt spoke about this a word to any one. THinking of that he is an influential person, she didnt even revealed this to human resource department.
After all these things, she stopped talking to me, she left to her parents place. I had no clue about what is going on. Whenever i called her she is dull, easily crying and i had never seen such things in her before marriage. I thought marriage, new life and separation is making things go wild and everything will be ok.
1. I went lonely in the chinese country, separated, left prey 2. Started drinking just looking at skype screen expecting her 3. I had to pull myself out of the position sooner and travel back to join her 4. This affected my career, management decided that i am "unstable" to work abroad anymore and had to wind up local works till nowView Thread
I've had good sessions with DrB lately. That's the good news.
Albert's uncle passed away on the first of the month. We drove 13hours to attend the services. He was my favorite. I broke down at the visitation, funeral, and the burial.
The morning of the uncle's services, we received a phone call that my best friend's husband had died very unexpectedly. I didn't handle that very well. My heart hurts for her. His funeral was Monday and I spent a lot of time crying on Monday.
Then DrB called Monday afternoon and rescheduled our appointment for tomorrow. I usually go on Tuesday. Oh well...
So I go to the store this afternoon to tackle the August bookwork. Step one balances. Step two doesn't balance and I found several mistakes of mine. I give up and come home. At least I didn't fall apart like I usually do. I slept from 3:30 to 6:30.
I think all the driving and emotional issues have worn me out.
The last couple of days have been tough for me.This is the first break I've had all day cause I've been sitting at the hospital.Stepped out for something to eat forgot about that out of all things. Thought I'll do that will my sister was asleep.
Heading to the elevator I had to turn a corner and walk pass the nurses desk.During that I heard my sister's name being mention and a women was standing there when I looked.So I walked up to the desk and inform them I don't know who this person is and not to let anyone in her room while I'm out.This person followed me outside demanding me to let her see M but I said no.
Okay it was a lie that I told the nurses but I didn't know what else to say.Truth is that women is the one that had us,different dads tho,I don't know who my father is.I last saw her when I was 23 and M was almost 5.I was set to be young ya know,start college,staying up on the weekends partying and things a person do at the age but had to put that on hold.I notice one day that her father was spending too much time with her more than usual that is.Thought he was doing the same things to her that he had done to me and he was.
I called him on and said I was going to turn him in.Never got a chance to pay for things he did cause he committed suicide.I figured she blamed me for it cause she left us.One day just dropped M off with me and never came back.I was lost for one I thought things like that only happened in the movies and I had no clue what to do after.I had no ends,I was barely taking care of myself.
It may not be right but it's how I feel.I had to bust my butt to make sure she had everything she needed,get to the doctors,school,clean clothes and food to eat.She didn't make to college but made sure she finished school period.I had to deal with the crying and nightmares during the night and there were times when I didn't feel like getting out of bed but I had someone depending on me.I knew If I didn't then it wouldn't have gotten done.So I asked her ( Mom) what rock she crawled from under hollering about her baby?...The baby you left is almost 30 now.
If it was just me then I would be okay with it but M was robbed of so much and I was really angry with her for just walking away like she didn't even know us.It wasn't my job to raise my sister but it was a choice I made.It was more than I could handle but God saw us through.I started praying every night and as time moved on I discovered that it can be done.God is awesome and recovery is so,so rewarding.I'm proud of the young women she has grown into despite not having a mother or father in her life.It took a long time but I was able to let go of the resentment,anger,disappointments,hatred and so much more.
For so many years nothing from her,no card ,phone call or a picture of her and to tell you the truth I really thought she was dead.I don't know how much of her M remember or anything but I am certain I don't want to lay this on M right now and don't want to bring her any more pain.I told her not to bother her either or I'll call the cops seriously.The most important thing right now is to keep her safe and she don't need a mother now.
Wow I forget how it felt to get things off your chest and it helps.Keeping everyone in my prayers and thoughts and a good nights sleep.View Thread
I may be different than others that were molested. I was molested by my father from the age of 3 until I was about 13. When he cornered me in the bathroom I felt embarrassed but afraid to resist. I held back but eventually my orgasm would occur and it felt good. This brought about my sexual awareness and I remember masturbating at the age of 3. It seems like my whole life is controlled by sex or thoughts of sex. I have been very promiscuous my whole life. When younger I constantly looked for sex whenever and wherever I could find it. Now that I'm older I don't go the promiscuous route but more so on the kinky side because I don't get the guilty feelings of cheating on my significant other. I eventually turned to the kinkier side by having threesomes with both of my wives. I was always looking for something new and exciting. I am currently living with my girlfriend and last week my 36 year old daughter moved in with us because of a breakup with her boyfriend. I have occasionally fantasized about my daughter before but now that she is living with us the thoughts have been getting stronger. I have also been fantasizing about us having a threesome. I know a girl her age is extremely horney and I would like to be the one to satisfy her sexual needs. Am I terribly wrong for feeling this way? Comments would be most appreciated.View Thread
I almost feel like I don't belong here that I don't actually fit the definition of being molested. This...
Posted by An_253402
I almost feel like I don't belong here that I don't actually fit the definition of being molested. This happened 12 years ago when I was 14...I was at a local festival with a friend who was also 14. Her mom dropped us off...well being the drunk she was she was late picking us up and the festival was closed except the workers. It was about midnight or 1230 and 2 of the festival workers were talking to us asking where our moms werw. We explained that she was late. Well one of them asked if we wanted to ride the rides for free since it was closed. We said sure...he got on the ride with us and sat between us while the other guy ran the ride. He started telling us how beautiful we were and put his hands on our legs..he started moving his hand up and well Im sure you could guess what he was doing. I was so scared..I hadn't even ever kissed a guy and I wanted him to stop..I kept pushing his hand away. He told me "its ok you'll like it I promise it'll feel good" it still affects me to this day because I felt so violated I was just a kid but I don't know if what happened to meView Thread
I have to catch a flight at 2:00 am to my sister's cause I can't spend over eighteen or more hours in a car.Don't know what's really going on with her yet but she only call when she's really in need.It's the I don't know that has me nervous at the moment.
When I get settled there I will check back in to give an update.I have things to do before I leave and haven't even pack yet so I'll do that first.
Let me know how things are going for you.Good or bad or even if you don't know just come in.
Those that didn't come in the last time can you this time around and let people know how you are doing.I'm hoping to hear from everyone on this one.Hope everyone is resting good and have a goodnight.
I'm keep each of you in my prayer box and thoughts while I'm traveling.View Thread
I don't recognize myself anymore. I feel numb and hard hearted and my sexual behavior has changed so much. Why can't I just go back or be normal? Why am I the way that I am now? I always feel so ashamed.View Thread
I know most of you were/are struggling really bad and just want to see how each of you are doing.If you can or feel up to it just a word or sign that you are hanging in there.
If by any chance I've forgotten someone you can come in as well.If by any chance this is not appropriate than let me know that also.Hope things have gotten a little better for everyone and the day is manageable for you.View Thread
Chaos reigns in my head today. Just when I think I'm making progress. Like taking 2 steps forward and 5 steps backward. I have a cacophony of voices in my head all trying to talk at once, it seems, pulling me in all directions. Or, rather, a cacophony of emotions all at once perhaps. Hard to say for sure.
Times like these I have to cling to my T's reassurances that I'm not crazy...Sure feels like crazy.
Going through the motions today...Clocking in to work soon. Headaches and tears are the theme this week.
If anyone is out there, thank you for listening.View Thread
Every day begins with an act of courage and hope: Getting out of bed. - Mason Cooley
I am hurting. I cried again at church this morning with my choir director holding me. I have nightmares every night. I hear people talking who aren't there. I have headaches that I can't get under control. I am tired all the time. I need to go inpatient but as always, timing is not good. I am beginning to resent so many trips. I want to stay home.
My heart pain is almost unbearable. I don't know what to do. The memories keep flooding me and they hurt.
I am going to lay down with my pink blanket. I hope I don't wake up.View Thread
I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes, I'm sometimes out of control, but I love and give with all my heart.
I was abused by my father since I was at least 4 - 6or7 years old. there were 4 other sisters and one brother. Dad used sevre rage and intimidation to control me and I became very fearful of him. to this day the idea that I have done something to upset anyone brings me to my knees with fear and apologies.
My problem is that I have 2 younger sisters who tormented me as I was weak, introverted and umpopular.
I left home at the first opportunity at 19 yrs. old. None of my siblings have taken any time to inquire or show any interest as to why I left and after 40 years have no idea who I am or who I have become. My Mother is 86 and although the trips home over the years to see MOm, only proved to set my sisters against me even more as Each visit would inevitably be ienttwined with the strong desire to enjoy my Mother while dealing with the continued emotional abuse by my Father through rage and intimidation. I would seek refuge at one of my younger sisters homes where the other was often present and I would not be welcomed. I'd sit in her drive for hours wanting her to come out and comfort me and invite me in but only rage and rejection came form them.
Now I want to be part of my mothers plans for her aging and the sisters do not seem to want me to be part of the input. I want to work with them on my mothers behalf but I am being shut out. I have tried to express my desire to be in on the decision makeing and, through some pretty firm e-mails from the sister who is very contrlling, just like dad, it has been mede clear to me that she is not interested in any input from me. She's got it all figured out.
You see, I am hrmless but hold such rage towards both of them for never having the curtesy or kindness to ask me about what happened when the inevitable rage would rise up in dad and I ssek refuge with one of them. They have always simply decided that I am evil because I have, once again, upset their dear father and their disapproval of me has not let up through the years. dad died in March 2001 and the separation and judgement continues.
should I send an e-mail to each of them explaining whay I so feared dad and them and thus left home in 1974? Should I try and help them understand what makes me feel what I feel,( fear, distrust,) of them because things have never healed between us and everything reverts back to a behavior that is still embedded in me to this day.....to run, leave, avoid conflict and rage. I want them to accept me but I find it difficult to change. The instincts to run are too deeply embedded in me, its a defence mechanism. I'd love forgiveness and kindness from them. what happened years ago separates me from my family. they are where Mom is and I want to belong and be a part of their lives, welcomed and appreciated. But the idea of going home, I will be in October, terrifies me as they will be there lurking. Looking for cause instead of friendship. I wold love it if they saw me as an asset insstead of a troublemaker. I would love it if they ould accept me as I am for whatever reason. I fera they will choose not to beleive anything I say and the wall that is between us now, althought I feel is still penetrable, will become solid and and irreversable.
I have decided that not just "these" boards... but all online "chats" be it FB, Twitter, etc are not healthy for me.
Now that I am not disassociating so much and having to feel whatever the heck these emotions are... I find I am spiraling out of control. To top it off... the same life crap keeps getting thrown at me from systems, society, etc... I just don't think I can take much more.
I'm not leaving these boards because of anyone person or persons. I'm leaving for my own sanity and peace of mind, which is already fragile.
I just want to wish you all well and pray that God walks with you in your journeys. Please know you are loved.
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