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Sexual Abuse Survivors Support Community

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Healing journey part 1 - TRIGGER SA/SI

THIS POST IS TRIGGERING FOR SEXUAL ABUSE AND SELF INJURY * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * TRIGGER * *...

I'm not really a psychopath, I just play one on the internet.

Posted by DOGDANCING_TCOS

2 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Healing journey part 1 - TRIGGER SA/SI THIS POST IS TRIGGERING FOR SEXUAL ABUSE AND SELF INJURY * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * TRIGGER * *...

For you all.

I know the silence in here can be disheartening, so I think I will re-post my healing journey. Heck if...

I'm not really a psychopath, I just play one on the internet.

Posted by DOGDANCING_TCOS

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:For you all. I know the silence in here can be disheartening, so I think I will re-post my healing journey. Heck if...

Weather

Some strong storms are supposed to pass through tonight. Those always make me nervous. Sigh. -Misty

Posted by TNmist

2 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Weather Some strong storms are supposed to pass through tonight. Those always make me nervous. Sigh. -Misty

How im feeling

just checking in....dont really have a whole lot of positive things to say...working thru health problems. I hope...

Posted by AZ330

17 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:How im feeling just checking in....dont really have a whole lot of positive things to say...working thru health problems. I hope...

Distraction action anyone?

If anyone has a distraction action question, feel free to jump on in! I certainly don't hold the corner market...

Posted by TNmist

7 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Distraction action anyone? If anyone has a distraction action question, feel free to jump on in! I certainly don't hold the corner market...

playing catch-up

First of all I don't think there will be triggers in this post. And secondly, there is no reason to...

I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes, I'm sometimes out of control, but I love and give with all my heart. Have patience with me as I heal.

Posted by MarySings

First of all I don't think there will be triggers in this post. And secondly, there is no reason to read/respond to this "rant".

I got out of the psych hospital in early November. A month later, when I saw DrM, my psychiatrist, he got really ticked off that the pdoc at the hospital had changed my meds. He immediately told me to throw the new depression med away. Then he decided he wanted me on a different med for anxiety. Again told me to throw out the old med and begin taking the new one.

So in December I became a whole new person ... a "blithering idiot" (according to my husband. And unfortunately he was right.) I couldn't spell. I would forgot something almost immediately after talking about it, resulting in a lot of questions from me to him and almost never at the right time. My handwriting deteriorated to a third grader. One day I put on white shoes. I the way they looked but I could not figure out what on earth to do with strings that were attached. I asked endless questions, drove my husband nuts, and was basically home-bound.

In January Dr.M asked how I was doing and my husband answered with a description of December. He tirade continued and then he finally said that I had totally destroyed Christmas. Needless to say, I immediately began a self-hate journey. Dr.B worked with me for about six weeks to conquer that thinking.

Dr.M apologized that he did not lower the doses of the new meds. He said the anxiety med I stopped should have been tapered. It was that med that caused all my problems.

I have been abandoned by WebMD. When they took the moderators away, it's just not been the same. My heart aches for Caprice and all the other moderators.

My depression has been difficult to live with. One day I am "up" and the next day I am "down".

Fibromyalgia seems to give me more and more pain and discomfort. I get tired far too easily and have to lay down for at least an hour every afternoon.

My crumbled spine provides another area of intense low back pain. I had 8 injections into my spine the other day and have a LOT LESS pain. The last shots lasted 8 months - I hope to have pain relief for another 8 months.

For a long time everything has overwhelmed me - cleaning house, cooking, laundry and iron, and taking better care of myself. I have good intentions of walking every day but I rarely leave the house.

So that's where I am now. I know I didn't need to write any of this and I don't know if I will return.

Thanks for ten years of awesome support,
MarySingsView Thread

I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes, I'm sometimes out of control, but I love and give with all my heart. Have patience with me as I heal.

Posted by MarySings

5 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:playing catch-up First of all I don't think there will be triggers in this post. And secondly, there is no reason to...

lonely

feeling super lonely tonight..... dont know else to say. im in a fog....

Posted by AZ330

3 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:lonely feeling super lonely tonight..... dont know else to say. im in a fog....

need direction please

I just came to this community. I am seeking help for my nephew. He is an adult survivor of sexual abuse. I am...

Posted by dawnie15

8 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:need direction please I just came to this community. I am seeking help for my nephew. He is an adult survivor of sexual abuse. I am...

Too much drama

on the other board. So I'm just going to hang out here for a while.

We must be the change we wish to see in the world. -- Mahatma Ghandi

Posted by lovely_lemon_tree

5 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Too much drama on the other board. So I'm just going to hang out here for a while.

Good Things

Sometimes, when things start to get dark and suffocating and we don't think we can go on, it's...

We must be the change we wish to see in the world. -- Mahatma Ghandi

Posted by lovely_lemon_tree

2 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Good Things Sometimes, when things start to get dark and suffocating and we don't think we can go on, it's...

I dont know what love feels like

So me and my boyfriend are dating we have come to an impasse and He feels that I don't love him but I really...

Posted by An_251465

3 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:I dont know what love feels like So me and my boyfriend are dating we have come to an impasse and He feels that I don't love him but I really...

Stress and tears once again

Tonight ended up being longer than anticipated, and I just don't handle very well people springing stuff on me...

Posted by TNmist

5 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Stress and tears once again Tonight ended up being longer than anticipated, and I just don't handle very well people springing stuff on me...

Not able to concentrate

My concentration skills are out the window this week. It's hurting my ability to work...and my paycheck is...

Posted by TNmist

11 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Not able to concentrate My concentration skills are out the window this week. It's hurting my ability to work...and my paycheck is...

Distraction action for Tuesday - vacation time, an...

Is it too early to post another distraction action?? I'm going from the list in the last one 'cuz it's a good...

Posted by TNmist

30 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Distraction action for Tuesday - vacation time, anyone? Is it too early to post another distraction action?? I'm going from the list in the last one 'cuz it's a good...

A Light-Hearted Note

Just some pictures I wanted to share with you... Here is Savannah: And here is me!

We must be the change we wish to see in the world. -- Mahatma Ghandi

Posted by lovely_lemon_tree

10 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:A Light-Hearted Note Just some pictures I wanted to share with you... Here is Savannah: And here is me!

Childhood books

I've recently been itching to re-read some of the books I read while growing up, so I visited my library today...

Posted by TNmist

13 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Childhood books I've recently been itching to re-read some of the books I read while growing up, so I visited my library today...

Ideas for "distraction action"

I'm not very good at coming up with ideas for "distraction action," but I did like those posts, so if anyone has...

Posted by TNmist

16 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Ideas for "distraction action" I'm not very good at coming up with ideas for "distraction action," but I did like those posts, so if anyone has...

Whacking

I feel that I have a couple of choices. I can shut down, become bitter, let hate grow in my heart towards men or...

Posted by TNmist

4 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Whacking I feel that I have a couple of choices. I can shut down, become bitter, let hate grow in my heart towards men or...

To all the quiet ones

Mary, Jade, AZ, Soul, SlikKitty, LLT, DD, Friedeggs, melisfit, healingmychild, and to other newbies and anyone I...

Posted by TNmist

17 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:To all the quiet ones Mary, Jade, AZ, Soul, SlikKitty, LLT, DD, Friedeggs, melisfit, healingmychild, and to other newbies and anyone I...

Rose - Sleep

Hope you get some sleep. Don't know how you handle it...I would have to be hospitalized by now if I wasn't...

Posted by TNmist

9 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Rose - Sleep Hope you get some sleep. Don't know how you handle it...I would have to be hospitalized by now if I wasn't...

More to unload **********TRIGGER*************

***************************************************** ...

Posted by TNmist

32 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:More to unload **********TRIGGER************* ***************************************************** ...

Dreading

Frustrated about so many things right now. It's not HAPPY EASTER and really dreading tomorrow(B-day) ...

Crying Is Like Taking Your Soul To The Laundry Mat!!!!!!!

Posted by Soulkeepers

20 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Dreading Frustrated about so many things right now. It's not HAPPY EASTER and really dreading tomorrow(B-day) ...

Angry

I hate web md...i just posted. and it disappeared. I hate everything. Its a sign im not supposed to share how I...

Posted by AZ330

59 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Angry I hate web md...i just posted. and it disappeared. I hate everything. Its a sign im not supposed to share how I...

temp pic

This pic is temporary. Just was trying to show another community a hand-made cane a friend gave me. Wish we...

Posted by TNmist

16 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:temp pic This pic is temporary. Just was trying to show another community a hand-made cane a friend gave me. Wish we...

Just stuff

Ended up taking a few-hour break instead of a few-day break...Rose, AZ, I'm glad you 2 are still posting,...

Posted by TNmist

Ended up taking a few-hour break instead of a few-day break...Rose, AZ, I'm glad you 2 are still posting, whether it be good, bad, or ugly. I'm just glad I'm not alone here. It's quiet times like these on the board that I especially miss Caprice to help support us when so many of us are struggling.

I'm convinced that nearly everything going wrong in my life has its roots in the initial years of abuse. Poor coping mechanisms have led to health problems and financial woes right up to today. I know that as an adult it is up to me to fix myself, but thanks for nothing, progenitors, for giving me such a lousy foundation. Will I EVER have better health, or be in a better financial position? I don't know if I even have it in me to change. I'm just angry and frustrated for being in such a mess. Mostly angry at myself for not teaching myself better by this time, but at least I know my past now and can try to turn this ship around.

I see my T every 2 weeks because I can't afford more (and even with that he is working with me), but I have enough stuff to discuss with him at LEAST weekly and sometimes more than that. It's hard to decide whether to try to give it all to him for him to at least comment on or keep some of it and let him counsel me more in depth on some things.

I don't know. Yes, it was good that I could see him today. I consider that an answer to prayer because there wasn't an opening until the last moment.

I'm not sure whether I'm angry or just feeling grief right now over everything, maybe both. These memories restored to me also have shaken my trust in God. I understand the core - that people have free will, and that free will sometimes really hurts others, but God did not abandon me as a child, and He has not abandoned me now. Okay, I get that, but I'm still a bit gun-shy about trusting Him right now. Guess I'm waiting for my heart and my mind to get in sync again.

In the meantime, I get to exercise trusting Him for a couple of weeks because I've paid what bills I can, bought minimal food and pet food, and put some gas in the car, and here I will sit until next payday in 2 weeks. I don't like running things this close to 0, but it is what it is. I know I will get a few notices or phone calls in the meantime, too, but I can do nothing about it for now. On the upside, my pets will be taken care of, I do have a roof over my head, running water and electricity, and I can still see my T.

I think, really, I'm just mad at myself for not doing better. I can't even file my taxes because I can't pay for filing until next payday. Sigh.

Thanks for listening.

-MistyView Thread

Posted by TNmist

7 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Just stuff Ended up taking a few-hour break instead of a few-day break...Rose, AZ, I'm glad you 2 are still posting,...

Check In / Roll Call

Hey everyone. It's been quiet on here for a few days so I thought I would do a shout out to see how...

Where there is shadow, there is light.

Posted by BlueRose90

19 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Check In / Roll Call Hey everyone. It's been quiet on here for a few days so I thought I would do a shout out to see how...

Howling wind, blustery night, too many things go t...

My area is under a "wind advisory" for about the next 24 hours. I was out in it tonight, and it's something. Not...

Posted by TNmist

2 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Howling wind, blustery night, too many things go thump My area is under a "wind advisory" for about the next 24 hours. I was out in it tonight, and it's something. Not...

..Swriling......TRIGGER

Blow with the wind, Flow with the tide, Spread too thin, Crying and screaming from within Lives that...

Crying Is Like Taking Your Soul To The Laundry Mat!!!!!!!

Posted by Soulkeepers

4 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:..Swriling......TRIGGER Blow with the wind, Flow with the tide, Spread too thin, Crying and screaming from within Lives that...

Dragon, dragon, dragon

Guess that should be my nickname, because I've just had another rough week, missed most of work Tuesday, and...

Posted by TNmist

19 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Dragon, dragon, dragon Guess that should be my nickname, because I've just had another rough week, missed most of work Tuesday, and...

Just a little something silly. :)

This doesn't have much to do about anything honestly, but it made me smile so I thought I would share. It...

Where there is shadow, there is light.

Posted by BlueRose90

4 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Just a little something silly. :) This doesn't have much to do about anything honestly, but it made me smile so I thought I would share. It...

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