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Sexual Abuse Survivors Support Community

Welcome to a safe environment for receiving support from other survivors of ... more

Memory Null & Void?

Hoping for some words of wisdom as doubtful I am the only one who has faced my situation....

Posted by TomHall55

Hoping for some words of wisdom as doubtful I am the only one who has faced my situation. Growing up moved many times so no long term hometown friends. I was quite rebellious with father often gone and verbally abusive when there, over-caring mother, and used recreational drugs as an escape. Had bouts with anxiety and depression late teens through late 30's when kids, family, work and relationship stress I got deep in depression.

During therapy I recalled having recurring dreams of being abused and one day confronted my mother who reluctantly confirmed when I was very young I was sexually abused by someone outside the family. What I lived through over and over with the same dream was exactly what had happened. Came face to face with that, and happily depression and anxiety seemed to leave the scene with that acceptance.

Now in my late 50's while housecleaning I ran across a load of old letters from friends and girlfriends from my late teens and early 20's. Thinking it would be amusing I read many but was pretty shocked to realize I didn't remember these people with only a few exceptions. Didn't recall the events they had written about and rarely could even place where I knew them from, even though some of the letters I could tell were from people quite close to me. This started a bit of soul searching and sitting back and contemplating I realized the vast majority of my memories from before my abuse realization were either totally missing or foggy at best. Even memories of when my kids were young were hazy.

Not sure if there is any specifics of the eraser that ran through my head other then the perfect storm of abuse, anger, depression emptying the file cabinet drawers. But my question now is other then deep expensive therapy is there any techniques, exercises, or methods to trying to rebuild some of these memories or are they lost to time? And after what I have been through, just the thought of more therapy stresses me out.

So I searched out and this site seemed like a good spot to reach out for help from a community that understands and cares. All advice, hints, or tips gladly welcomed. Thanks in advance.View Thread

Posted byTomHall55

2 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Memory Null & Void? Hoping for some words of wisdom as doubtful I am the only one who has faced my situation....

Reply: Memory Null & Void?

Thanks for the wise words and taking time to relax is one thing I have always had a hard...

Posted by TomHall55

2 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Memory Null & Void? Thanks for the wise words and taking time to relax is one thing I have always had a hard...

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