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Sexual Abuse Survivors Support Community

Welcome to a safe environment for receiving support from other survivors of ... more

Reply: Still Very Angry - Triggers

TNmist —"YanPan, the truth sets us free." Agreed.

Posted by YanPan

12 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Still Very Angry - Triggers TNmist —"YanPan, the truth sets us free." Agreed.

Reply: Still Very Angry - Triggers

Dogdancing — I was abused, but not sexually. My parents were physically and...

Posted by YanPan

Dogdancing — I was abused, but not sexually. My parents were physically and emotionally abusive. I've confronted them about this and I feel as much "closure" as I possibly can with something like that while maintaining a semi-healthy relationship with them.

Thank you for your list of ways to keep peace. I found them very helpful. Especially this part:

"You find peace by speaking up and out about all the stuff clogging your head/heart (hear is a good start) how long ago was therapy? pre-children? if so think about giving it another go.

You will find that incest will be a nagging festering thorn that needs addressed vs. sweeping it under the rug."

This is exactly what is going on. I feel clogged. I feel silenced. It is nagging at me. I hate feeling like I shouldn't speak up because it will be offensive to my family. It feels like some people in my family are still very insistent on protecting the abusers. I'm rather tired of being all nicey-nice about the abuse and that I'm the bad, squeaky wheel for vocalizing that it actually happened. It makes me feel crazy to "pretend" that none of the sexual abuse happened and that I should just be able to move on. I don't believe that is real, at least not for me.

Also, the last time I was in counseling was about six months ago.

"Sounds like they did do something to me. Dad topped the contact with the other family....he did that part right, the other part sadly is common reaction, to blame the victim. Equally as damaging as the abuse in my eyes."

My dad did do something. My extended family did nothing. In fact, my mother was talked out of going to the police by her family. Even though my dad's reaction was horrible and abusive, he protected all of us including my mother and for that I am grateful. I don't understand his reaction to finding out about my sister's sexual abuse. But what my parents didn't do for us was talk to us about it. We didn't go to family counseling and after about five years or so, we went back to family gatherings with my sisters abuser. What I learned here was that it's not okay to talk about certain situations, that emotional health wasn't important, and that if you wait long enough, all will be forgiven. That was damaging to me.

"You sound like you want to fight your sisters fight for her? Why is that?"

Good question. I too did turn my back on my sister in my own way and I feel guilty for it. I should've been her ally and I wasn't. I should've been with her always and I wasn't. Maybe if I was with her, I could've stopped the abuse in some way or stopped it earlier. Even though I was a child myself and I know that he might have found another way or another time to abuse her, I am still upset with myself about not doing enough to protect her.

I also feel that my mother and my sister and all of my aunts and cousins that were sexually abused were robbed of their voice. We were all taught this weird code of silence. That it's better to just keep it all inside and pretend it didn't happen. None of us were taught how to properly set boundaries.

One of the reasons I went to counseling was because I needed to learn how to set boundaries. Because things in my life have been so skewed, I had to re-learn how to say no, set proper boundaries, and react normally.

I feel like the cycle of sexual abuse will continue in my family because there are too many people that don't see a problem and won't admit that it happened. This is a problem for me. I can't imagine that I wouldn't be completely devastated if I come to find out in twenty years that my little cousins were also sexually abused. The scary thing is, I can see it happening and it makes me very sad. If one person would've just broken the abuse wide open in my generation, maybe, just maybe things would've been different for all of us.
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Posted byYanPan

12 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Still Very Angry - Triggers Dogdancing — I was abused, but not sexually. My parents were physically and...

Reply: Still Very Angry - Triggers

BlueRose90, "The things that people like us went through and go through in our lives takes...

Posted by YanPan

12 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Still Very Angry - Triggers BlueRose90, "The things that people like us went through and go through in our lives takes...

Reply: Possible trigger- Sorry

I'm sorry. I agree about distracting yourself. I've heard of something that may help....

Posted by YanPan

5 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Possible trigger- Sorry I'm sorry. I agree about distracting yourself. I've heard of something that may help....

Reply: Still Very Angry - Triggers

Thanks! You know, a few months ago my aunt sent out an e-mail to the entire family...

Posted by YanPan

12 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Still Very Angry - Triggers Thanks! You know, a few months ago my aunt sent out an e-mail to the entire family...

Reply: Today

You have purpose. Hang in there. Tomorrow will be better.

Posted by YanPan

5 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Today You have purpose. Hang in there. Tomorrow will be better.

Reply: Still Very Angry - Triggers

Thanks for responding TCOS and Rose! I've had about four years of counseling and I've...

Posted by YanPan

12 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Still Very Angry - Triggers Thanks for responding TCOS and Rose! I've had about four years of counseling and I've...

Reply: Pedifile or rude old man

Sounds creepy. You did the right thing.

Posted by YanPan

5 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Pedifile or rude old man Sounds creepy. You did the right thing.

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