Thank you. I was in crisis last night. A fellow patient of my surgeon who I have met online at ObesityHelp was emailing with me last night. She is a survivor herself and was able to offer me a lot of support.
And this afternoon I spoke further with my physician friend. He stressed that the focus here is how the surgeon made me feel. He should not have made me feel this way. Period. And that is enough grounds for me to file a complaint. That is very helpful for me to re-frame it this way. My whole focus has been on did the surgeon sexually assault me? My physician friend said he was concerned that I was taking the blame and placing it on myself and that I was defending the surgeon. We talked about some options for how I can take care of myself and how I can pursue this. He also said that he hears this sort of thing a lot from patients and it goes under reported. He said it would be reasonable for me to ask my real surgeon's opinion and it would not interfere with my relationship with him if he is a professional. I am feeling much better right now. I have been feeling like a victim, feeling vulnerable, the past few days - last night being the worst by far. I want to take my power back.
Thank you for being here to support me. I truly appreciate all of your emails.
Oh god, I am sick to my stomach... My friend who is the physician confirmed this was sexual misconduct. I broke into tears and hyperventilated when he told me. I am distraught.
I was so looking forward to my appt with my real plastic surgeon next month to go over my results and look at my before and after photos. Now I just want to cancel that appointment.
I also am mad at my real plastic surgeon because I had asked him to refer me to a PS in my state for follow up. He told me he did not know anyone and I was left to find one myself. Of course who do I pick? Chester the Molester. You know dam well that if my real surgeon had simply made a phone call and ask a professional courtesy of another PS to care for me that this would never have happened.
God I let this guy do this to me twice. WTF does that say about me? Why did he pick me?View Thread
Thank you both for your advice and for listening. I posted my dilemma on a board where you can get free legal advice. The idiot male lawyer who answered told me to call the police and let them investigate it. Yeah, right, I will discuss with two male police officers in the Midwest about a complaint about potential sexual misconduct by a local prominent male surgeon. This is exactly what I want to avoid! See this is the typical dumbass male response - did the lawyer even read what I wrote about not wanting further humiliation. And police are clueless in this situation.
I have looked into this further since my post. My surgeon would have a legal and ethical responsibility to report it unless doing so would cause me further harm. Even if he did not report it, I have to wonder if it would negatively impact or influence my care with him -- I think it is reasonable to assume that he would be cautious about touching me/examining me for fear that he might make me uncomfortable at the very least, or worse that I might report him for misconduct... so this could affect him giving me the best possible care. Your thoughts?
I can file an anonymous complaint with the state licensing board. They would never tell the surgeon my name but he probably could figure out it was me from the details of the events.
And the surgeon in question, well he has several malpractice suits. I have not read anything about sexual misconduct except one woman who said she had proof that he liked to molest his female patients. I read a bunch of court documents and testimony from this same woman who slammed the surgeon for ruining her face. Based on what I have read so far, she may have been a patient predator or she may have been a truly hurt victim trying to get back -- she went through extremes to get back at this surgeon, creating lots of websites using his name, blasting him on social media etc. She did a lot of damage to his reputation and caused him a great loss of clients. Anyway, the point is that he sued her in court and won. I just would not want to go through anything like that, and I am nervous about what he might do to further protect his reputation from damage... even if he only suspected it was me.
I know far worse things have happened to women who have been accosted by men. I hate to seem dramatic over such an incident that is minor by comparison. It is just the last few days I have been very upset by this. It took me a while to be able to discuss my body and feel comfortable with my male surgeon -- I always use female doctors for my private parts. And finally when I felt safe in such matters, this thing happens with this other surgeon. I know that I am going to feel awkward when I see my real surgeon next month for the exam and photos... before this happened, I was really looking forward to reviewing my transformation. Now I just feel icky.
Sharing here has helped. I am going to wait to see how my surgeon handles the exam. Does he touch me like this other surgeon did? If so, then I know it is normal. I do not know whether or not I will discuss with him what happened. Like I said, I'd love to know but I do not want it to cause awkwardness in my relationship with him or interfere with him providing the best care he can for me. He is a very skilled surgeon with a great bedside manner and I trust him. I don't want anything to jeopardize that. I hope that makes sense. I guess you will understand if you have been in my shoes -- have seen too many doctors that are not highly competent. It is hard to find the cream of the crop, like the proverbial needle in the haystack. Since I want more surgeries, I want to continue with him as my provider.
But I won't do any follow-up care with anyone else in the future after this experience.View Thread
So, you believe he did fondle me then? I know that plastic surgeons have to touch you in ways that other surgeons do not. I have seen quite a number of other surgeons for pre op consults and none of them made me feel as though I had been touched inappropriately. BUT at the same time, I have never seen a plastic surgeon for a post op consult as this was my first procedure (I had a tummy tuck)... so maybe that is different, and of course each surgeon may have their own protocol on how s/he examines a patient.
My gut keeps telling me he was wrong. And I sit here thinking about how I willingly stood nude with this man, not once but twice.View Thread