this is my third time tring to write this, for some reason pushing the send button is a lot more difficult then i would have imagined. i keep deleting what i want to say for the fear of getting peoples pity. what happened to me throughout my life sucked, i have always hated myself in every shape, way and form from the sexual abuse i have endured. it started when i was 5 and lasted until high school by different guys and yes a couple girls. when i found my husband, i told him all that i have been through, he was actually the first person i told all the stories too. he said he would never hurt me, but he lied. he ended up hurting me and telling me, im your husband, i can do what i want to you. so i just would lay there, my mind going to my happy place, my body numb to what he was doing and just took it. i felt alone unable to talk with anyone because in my mind i thought no one would believe me about the acts i was going through. it has made me believe men are mistrustworthy and in the end just out to hurt me. i currently like a guy, who knows about my past, who cares for me, and i somehow find a reason to push him away. i want to be loved, but how can a person love me when i dont love myself.. i have changed quite a bit, for instance i dont bite my nails anymore, or self harm. i can look at myself in a mirror and think im beautiful on most days where as before i couldnt look at myself in a mirror at all. i am a work in progress just tring to find my happiness that everyone deserves no matter how beaten down and alone you may feel, i am here to finally take a stand and break the silence. now its time to break the cycle !View Thread
thank you to all 3 of you for replying. i have taken the extra step in seeking help, by getting a professional and wanting to talk in a support group, which is a huge step for me. at the end of all this, i want to volunteer at a shelter for abused women, and hopefully help change lives. i read a quote that said, god wouldnt put us through this life, if he did not think we could handle it.View Thread
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