thank you to all 3 of you for replying. i have taken the extra step in seeking help, by getting a professional and wanting to talk in a support group, which is a huge step for me. at the end of all this, i want to volunteer at a shelter for abused women, and hopefully help change lives. i read a quote that said, god wouldnt put us through this life, if he did not think we could handle it.View Thread
this is my third time tring to write this, for some reason pushing the send button is a lot more difficult then i would have imagined. i keep deleting what i want to say for the fear of getting peoples pity. what happened to me throughout my life sucked, i have always hated myself in every shape, way and form from the sexual abuse i have endured. it started when i was 5 and lasted until high school by different guys and yes a couple girls. when i found my husband, i told him all that i have been through, he was actually the first person i told all the stories too. he said he would never hurt me, but he lied. he ended up hurting me and telling me, im your husband, i can do what i want to you. so i just would lay there, my mind going to my happy place, my body numb to what he was doing and just took it. i felt alone unable to talk with anyone because in my mind i thought no one would believe me about the acts i was going through. it has made me believe men are mistrustworthy and in the end just out to hurt me. i currently like a guy, who knows about my past, who cares for me, and i somehow find a reason to push him away. i want to be loved, but how can a person love me when i dont love myself.. i have changed quite a bit, for instance i dont bite my nails anymore, or self harm. i can look at myself in a mirror and think im beautiful on most days where as before i couldnt look at myself in a mirror at all. i am a work in progress just tring to find my happiness that everyone deserves no matter how beaten down and alone you may feel, i am here to finally take a stand and break the silence. now its time to break the cycle !View Thread
The opinions expressed in WebMD Communities are solely those of the User, who may or may not have medical or scientific training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of WebMD. Communities are not reviewed by a WebMD physician or any member of the WebMD editorial staff for accuracy, balance, objectivity, or any other reason except for compliance with our Terms and Conditions. Some of these opinions may contain information about treatments or uses of drug products that have not been approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration. WebMD does not endorse any specific product, service or treatment.
Do not consider Communities as medical advice. Never delay or disregard seeking professional medical advice from your doctor or other qualified healthcare provider because of something you have read on WebMD. You should always speak with your doctor before you start, stop, or change any prescribed part of your care plan or treatment. WebMD understands that reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment from a qualified health care provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or dial 911 immediately.