1. The bars. I loved to hang upside down. 2. Chocolate 3. What if God was One of Us--theme song to Joan of Arcadia 4. MIL and FIL and husband who have been helping a lot since I am unable to use my right hand at the moment 5. I get to make own choiices.View Thread
1. My girls and my husband. Knowing he would move the world for me if he could. 2. My music. Steven Curtis Chapman is best. 3. Praying and writing. 4. Tea in my special purple flowered chna tea cup. 5. A large blanket to wrap up in. 6. Any wishy-washy girly/teacher movie with a happy ending.View Thread
I wish I could help, as I know too well what you are going through. When things head that direction, I start writing a lot. Mostly I just try to change my thought processes all day and hope for no dreams. (If I recall a dream, then is is a bad dream. I never recall good ones.)
[Trigger] I feel like it is my fault sometimes. Like the time he grabbed me by the head and shoved me against the bed was my fault for arguing with him that I just wanted to talk. To not be ignored. Like all of those times he grabbed me and twisted my arms behind my back until I cried and then shoved me to the ground were my fault. I was pregnant and he didn't want the baby. Like I never should have told him. Like I should have told him I'd do everything on my own. In some crazy way, I feel like I deserved how he treated me, because I called him an ***hole when he was mean to me.
I tried to tell him I was afraid of him, but he didn't really care. I remember seeing in his eyes that day before I left, that look. That awful look that you see means there is nothing you could ever do to stop what is going on, because it is really not about you.
And still, I feel responsible. I know I am not, but sometimes, I have trouble believing. I know the day he raped me was not my fault, but somehow, everything else is always muddy and unclear.View Thread
I probably should do that. It is funny about anger. I have been very angry at the world for almost 2 years now, and recently something I was reading made me want to change that. I have been talking to my mil and a friend, and I have been almost not angry anymore (though I am sure it is not the end.) What I put in the post is the thing I am most afraid to say to anyone. I think I expect people to confirm my fears. Sometimes, I don't understand why I have learned to deal so well with my life experiences from childhood, but am still dealing with those from adulthood. Time, I suppose its part of it. As well as my avoiding the issue, I suppose. Thank-you for not confirming my fears. I'd like to be happy again one day, on a regular basis, not just moments. I suppose dealing is the place to start.View Thread
[Trigger] Yes, I do believe in God. He is who elps me get through each day. People make bad choices, and other suffer the consequences. Someone once told me that those moment where people were hurting us, God cried. We have free will. As another poster said, some people choose to use it for bad things.View Thread