thanks leahquestions. He's not blaming me for it. We didn't do anything risky sexually and he knows that.
I guess I'll just never understand why I need to be shut out during the process. that's all. It does not make sense to me and never will.
Life is too short to let HSV II destroy you finding happiness. With soo many people having it, I just can't believe we need to live in a state of being ashamed. Somehow life needs to go on. Please don't shut yourself off from love.View Thread
I wrote in back on Easter weekend. The guy I've been dating for the last three months agreed to get himself tested for HSV after I disclosed that I have it. He tested positive for HSV I and II. That was April 2nd. He was soo freaked out that he said he could only focus on himself and figuring out what the dx meant for him and he didn't know where things stood with us. He said I could wait for him to figure it out or move on because he couldn't tell me when he'd be able to make up his mind about us. It's been 10 days and he's put major distance b/t us and he still can't deal with this.
I've tried to be understanding, but I'm battling feeling hurt and that I'm not being treated right. I told him that he can't just put me on hold while he figures it out. He keeps saying that he doesn't know what to tell me because he's still focusing on what this means to him.
Any insight is appreciated, although my feelings and respect for him are diminishing rapidly.View Thread
If I didn't have this outlet, I don't know where I'd be mentally.
I talked to him today and it was rough, but we actually made progress. He told me a lot of things that made me realize that it's not about him not wanting me, but his need to deal with this. I know that sounds dumb that I should've gotten that before, but I've just gone through a month of total exhaustion waiting for him to read the material and go to the doctor. Today, I finally reached a point where I don't feel hurt by his needing space and time to deal. I'm going to wait for him to figure it out. I know he is a good man.
I'm praying that we find our way back to the magical connection that we had.
What is a shame is that I'm certain that if he was negative that our relationship would've been over. One of his first reactions was "why doesn't the news do a story that this is the untold, but stigmatized epidemic that should'nt be hidden." There should no longer be a scarlet letter on people . People should be able to talk freely about herpes in society and make it an open subject and that is how we would finally be able to get control over this virus. Silence in main stream society helps no one.
Oh, by the way, I started suppressive therapy this week just for my own peace of mind. So far, no side effects.View Thread
Thanks Guy721! I think maybe it's the difference between men and women. I'm pretty sure that if I was in his shoes and knew I had a person standing right there to support me, that I'd look for support from that person. I guess men like to go into their cave.
Neither one of us has ever been through this before, so it's a learning thing. I just wanted him to give me some reassurance that he doesn't want to lose me the same way I didn't want ot lose him. I'm the one giving all the reassurance to him and I'm getting none. Not a good feeling to sit with.
What an experience this has been. Thanks for your support!View Thread
Thank you Anon - 13905! It sounds lke you got rid of a loser. I appreciate your accurate insight and kind words. They helped me very much.
I still need help.
Well, his tests came back and they were positive for HSV I and II. The nurse wasn't very good at explaining things to him and didn't know what the levels were, but confirmed they were positive. So we know that now.
Here's the kicker. He's SOOOOOO freaked out about this news that he is now pushing me away and isn't sure how he feels about our relationship. Unbelievable to me. He said he needs time to deal with this news and what it means to him before he can think about us. I told him that I wished I had someone in my life that cared about me as much as I care about him when I found out. He said that if I can't wait for him to figure things out then he understands. I just said that I can't understand why his pushing me away and that his way of dealing with this is hurting me.
Of all the reactions I expected, this wasn't one of them! The first two months of our relationship was totally awesome then we went through this last month dealing with this issue and still managed to have fun. I guess his feelings for me weren't what I thought they were.
I feel he's handling this in a very immature way, but I keep thinking that maybe I'm just being too hard on him. But, I feel taken for granted as if I'll just sit here and wait for him to figure it out like I did for the last month.
Well, I put in a request to delete this discussion because I thought maybe I was offending people. I'm glad they didn't delete it until I heard from you abe648.
I know you're right, but I'm hurting soo bad I can hardly stand it. I literally cannot pull myself together and called out sick from work today. I spoke to him tonight at length. He said that he's stuck in the stigma of herpes being such a bad thing, like society leads us to believe. He's 50, not like my 30-something friends that I finally confided in and they couldn't understand why I was so upset . . . and still can't. They think he's being a jerk.
I wouldn't be soo upset if I wasn't so into him, but I am starting to think that maybe he's not all that I thought he was.
I keep running the scenarios through my mind. Best scenario = he has it. worst = he doesn't.
Also, thanks, Infinaty! I have not been intimate with him in a way that would be a risk. Betsy gave me the stats on transmission with using supressive therapy and condoms and I printed out that email and gave it to him.
I'm thankful for your support. I can't stop crying.View Thread
I'm a 40 year old woman who found out through a blood test last year that I have HSV I and II. My HSVII anitbody level was 5, which means it wasn't a new infection, but I did not know that I had it. I've recently been dating someone and had to tell for the first time. It's been very hard. He has been reading the Herpes Handbook and just went to his doctor on Monday and should get his blood test results on Friday. Even though we really click, he said he could decide not to continue dating depending on how he feels about what he learns.
I keep reading and reading about HSV. My question is that even though all sites state the statisitics of herpes is 1 in 5 adults over the age of 12, isn't that stat based on the number of people with herpes out of the entire US population. I think if the stats were just based on the number of people who have had multiple sex partners in their lives, then the amount of people with herpes would be more than 1 in 5 people. Am I correct? Especially when you look at the webMD herpes quiz, it states that if you've had more than 5 sex partners, ever had a rash etc., and didn't use condoms every time then you are more likely to have herpes. Perhaps I'm just staing the obvious, but wanted to hear thoughts from others.
I'm driving myself crazy wondering if he'll have it or not. Friday can't come soon enough, so I can move on with my life with or without him. It's been a month of waiting for him to figure it out.