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Sexually Transmitted Diseases Community

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Forgiven72

Joined: 08/03/2010

My Story:

Hello Everyone and Welcome to my Page
Apparently I only get 4,000 characters to talk about "Me" so I guess I'll have to choose wisely on what I want you to know =]

After I got the news, I became a research junkie. One thing that most people never do, is tell someone about their HSV status. Not me. I told everyone. I needed to vent, and I needed support. The first place I went, was to my family. My mom, sisters, cousins, best friend, pastor, my landlord! lol. I needed answers. I had the full support from everyone. I came upon a dating site and found that they did Local HSV meets. I decided to host one. I started meeting people and soon realized that most people had never told a single person. That they'd been living with H, as if it were a shameful secret. It made me appreciate even more, having my family back me 100%. I wanted people to know it was 'ok' to talk about it. I enjoyed meeting people and making friends.
I discovered that there was National Events that took place and everyone from everywhere all came to meet each other. It was awesome. I host local events here in CA, and I know the event coordinators all over the US if anyone is looking for some local support. Or if you just need a friend, I am here.

We also have private online Support groups. These are groups that are not visible to the public like this *points to WedMD as it has my profile visible to the community* so only Members can view other members. You can only be added in by someone already in the group. Then, for added security, to protect the privacy of others an Administrator must approve you. Usually takes minutes, but it's nice to know that no one will know your business.

*Oh and by the way, I am one of the Admins;) You are welcome to email me with any questions. But you must be HSV+ to join.*

In my "Resources" I posted a link to the only dating site I trust. Join me there! We can chat live =]

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how do you feel towards the ONE WHO GAVE YOU HERPE...

Did you know that 90% of people living with Herpes, DON'T KNOW THEY HAVE IT . Thats a...

Like the one I was with, 90percent of people who have hsv, don't know they have it. Thats a large number. Get tested. Have the talk. And most of all FORGIVE and move forward.

Posted by Forgiven72

Did you know that 90% of people living with Herpes, DON'T KNOW THEY HAVE IT. Thats a big number. So you just found out you have Herpes, now what? I know the first thing I thought about was, "oh my gosh, how could he not have told me"....

I found out February 3, 2009 I had herpes. It was a visual exam and then confirmed with an IgG test two weeks later. I had to tell him of course because chances were, he didn't know he had it himself. He was the first person I was with after being with my ex(a virgin, having only been with me and obviously tested negative for all std's) and I was negative prior to being with him.

So I make the call. I say "Hey, I need to let you know that I just tested positive for Herpes2 and I think you should get tested. I am not sure if you know or not that you have this. I am not mad." He breaks the silence with "its not me,I don't have anything, you are lying." and hangs up.... I WAS FURIOUS. How could he out right deny this, knowing that I hadn't been with anyone else and I had std clean record to prove it, until now!!! I tried to call him and be calm with him feeling like maybe he was one of the 90% that didn't know.. But after I spoke with him, I felt like he was the 10% that didn't care who else had it too and they would just keep passing the Gift!

I decided to never call back again. I said what I had to say and that was it. I was wrong. There was more that needed to be said. I needed to apologize.

Since I knew he would not accept my calls, I wrote him a letter.

"Dear *****,
I forgive you.
Whether or not you were aware that you had this, the fact is, I now have it. What's done is done, the Past has Passed. Being angry with you will not cure me. Hating you will not remove the pain. Holding a grudge will not allow me to move on. I have chosen to abstain from sex until the time is right. As hard as it may be, I know that eventually I will have to have the talk with someone someday. I cannot, in no way continue to have sex knowing that I can pass this to someone else. The pain I feel is not agony towards my situation, but hurt of being betrayed by someone I have trusted. I refuse to have someone feel that way towards me. I hope and pray you get tested so you can start taking care of yourself. And if you honestly truly didn't know you had it, then maybe the one who gave it to you doesn't know either. We can not stop spreading this virus until we start spreading the word about it.
In the past few days since I found out, I have been doing an insane amount of research. Did you know that that 1 in 5 women have this and 1 in 4 men. You can go years without a symptom. You can spread this even with a condom. You can spread this even if you are not having an outbreak(which is why you should still warn your partner so they don't get surpised 4 weeks later like me). That there are suppressive remedies to get you through this. I am not much a pill taker so I have found natural ways to help me these past few days. Vitamin L-Lysine, Echinacea, and Green Tea have done wonders:)
But the bottom line here, whether you are aware of this or not, I am not mad. I forgive you. I wish you all the best.
Yours Truly."

I have discovered that ANGER, REGRET, SADNESS, PITTY, REVENGE, HATE, GRUDGES, SORROW, and so on, only make dealing with this harder. It doesn't matter where you got it from, who gave it to you or how. Doesn't matter if you were lied to, cheated on, born with it, whatever... The fact is, YOU HAVE HERPES now, and all you can do it get the info and MOVE FORWARD. Its a lot to deal with, but it is manageable. Don't be afraid to have the talk with a new partner, give them the opportunity to decide, don't take the risk. Some might turn tail and run but one day, you might find the one who loves ALL of you;Tthe Good, The Bad and The Herpes;)

ps. He called a year later and apologized. Said it had been killing him inside for a year and he was so sorry. Again, I only had forgiveness towards him.View Thread

Like the one I was with, 90percent of people who have hsv, don't know they have it. Thats a large number. Get tested. Have the talk. And most of all FORGIVE and move forward.

Posted byForgiven72

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32 of 43 found this Tip helpful

25 Replies | ReplyReport This| Share this:how do you feel towards the ONE WHO GAVE YOU HERPES Did you know that 90% of people living with Herpes, DON'T KNOW THEY HAVE IT . Thats a...

Reply: Outbreak Location

Mine does. Same spot everytime. A friend said the same thing. Over thirty years, she has...

Like the one I was with, 90percent of people who have hsv, don't know they have it. Thats a large number. Get tested. Have the talk. And most of all FORGIVE and move forward.

Posted by Forgiven72

2 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Outbreak Location Mine does. Same spot everytime. A friend said the same thing. Over thirty years, she has...

Reply: Positive for HSV 2

a .9 and above is considered positive. So even though it's low, it still looks like a...

Like the one I was with, 90percent of people who have hsv, don't know they have it. Thats a large number. Get tested. Have the talk. And most of all FORGIVE and move forward.

Posted by Forgiven72

11 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Positive for HSV 2 a .9 and above is considered positive. So even though it's low, it still looks like a...

Reply: Positive for HSV 2

Do not be embarrassed. You can AND will realize that there are more people out there in...

Like the one I was with, 90percent of people who have hsv, don't know they have it. Thats a large number. Get tested. Have the talk. And most of all FORGIVE and move forward.

Posted by Forgiven72

Do not be embarrassed. You can AND will realize that there are more people out there in this situation then you realize. I felt the same way when I found out. I thought I was destined to be alone forever. I came to WebMd the same night I found out, told my story, and cried my eyes out because of all the GOOD feedback I recieved. It was only a matter of time before I started to realize that everything was going to be alright.
Now I know everyone has a different situation and some people dont have someone to talk to, but fortunately I was able to share this with my family and friends. I automatically assumed that after I told them, I would be treated like I had the plague... NOPE. They still didn't see me any other way. So then dating came into play again. I started out looking for people in the same situation, just so I can make friends and ask how they went about the "talk"... It has been fine. I have met men without and men with it. And the men I have met with it, had NO problem with it. They valued my honesty as opposed to me thinking "maybe I wont pass it and so I don't have to tell them"...
Take care of yourself first. Get the facts and learn more. If you are embarrassed about having hsv2, then you are not going to have confidence in yourself when you have the talk with a future partner. In my experience, when I told a partner about my situation (probably my first talk after finding out, so I was still "embarrassed"), I made it seem like there was something "wrong" with me, therefore, turning him away. However, the next time around, I was more calm and collective, had the answers to the things he had asked. Talked about preventable measures, and he accepted me. So dating is possible. Just guard your heart and take precaution.View Thread

Like the one I was with, 90percent of people who have hsv, don't know they have it. Thats a large number. Get tested. Have the talk. And most of all FORGIVE and move forward.

Posted byForgiven72

11 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Positive for HSV 2 Do not be embarrassed. You can AND will realize that there are more people out there in...

Reply: Positive for HSV 2

The IgG Test is really accurate. Did your doctor tell you which type you had? Usually...

Like the one I was with, 90percent of people who have hsv, don't know they have it. Thats a large number. Get tested. Have the talk. And most of all FORGIVE and move forward.

Posted by Forgiven72

11 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Positive for HSV 2 The IgG Test is really accurate. Did your doctor tell you which type you had? Usually...

Reply: Oral Sex??? Transmission Risk??? HSV2

HAHA... omg, I still have 15years before mine are in college!!! I was lucky enough to...

Like the one I was with, 90percent of people who have hsv, don't know they have it. Thats a large number. Get tested. Have the talk. And most of all FORGIVE and move forward.

Posted by Forgiven72

9 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Oral Sex??? Transmission Risk??? HSV2 HAHA... omg, I still have 15years before mine are in college!!! I was lucky enough to...

Reply: Oral Sex??? Transmission Risk??? HSV2

I am actually a bit excited now:) I didn't think I would ever be excited about sex...

Like the one I was with, 90percent of people who have hsv, don't know they have it. Thats a large number. Get tested. Have the talk. And most of all FORGIVE and move forward.

Posted by Forgiven72

9 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Oral Sex??? Transmission Risk??? HSV2 I am actually a bit excited now:) I didn't think I would ever be excited about sex...

Reply: Oral Sex??? Transmission Risk??? HSV2

Betsy, whats with the new format? I can't even email you... You have no idea how much...

Like the one I was with, 90percent of people who have hsv, don't know they have it. Thats a large number. Get tested. Have the talk. And most of all FORGIVE and move forward.

Posted by Forgiven72

9 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Oral Sex??? Transmission Risk??? HSV2 Betsy, whats with the new format? I can't even email you... You have no idea how much...

Reply: 2nd outbreak

Your ob's can come anytime, and stress levels can bring one on. I am assuming you just...

Like the one I was with, 90percent of people who have hsv, don't know they have it. Thats a large number. Get tested. Have the talk. And most of all FORGIVE and move forward.

Posted by Forgiven72

5 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:2nd outbreak Your ob's can come anytime, and stress levels can bring one on. I am assuming you just...

Reply: Oral Sex??? Transmission Risk??? HSV2

Thanks Betsy! So in other words, as long as we are not having an ob, there is No Chance...

Like the one I was with, 90percent of people who have hsv, don't know they have it. Thats a large number. Get tested. Have the talk. And most of all FORGIVE and move forward.

Posted by Forgiven72

9 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Oral Sex??? Transmission Risk??? HSV2 Thanks Betsy! So in other words, as long as we are not having an ob, there is No Chance...

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