Did you know that 90% of people living with Herpes, DON'T KNOW THEY HAVE IT. Thats a big number. So you just found out you have Herpes, now what? I know the first thing I thought about was, "oh my gosh, how could he not have told me"....
I found out February 3, 2009 I had herpes. It was a visual exam and then confirmed with an IgG test two weeks later. I had to tell him of course because chances were, he didn't know he had it himself. He was the first person I was with after being with my ex(a virgin, having only been with me and obviously tested negative for all std's) and I was negative prior to being with him.
So I make the call. I say "Hey, I need to let you know that I just tested positive for Herpes2 and I think you should get tested. I am not sure if you know or not that you have this. I am not mad." He breaks the silence with "its not me,I don't have anything, you are lying." and hangs up.... I WAS FURIOUS. How could he out right deny this, knowing that I hadn't been with anyone else and I had std clean record to prove it, until now!!! I tried to call him and be calm with him feeling like maybe he was one of the 90% that didn't know.. But after I spoke with him, I felt like he was the 10% that didn't care who else had it too and they would just keep passing the Gift!
I decided to never call back again. I said what I had to say and that was it. I was wrong. There was more that needed to be said. I needed to apologize.
Since I knew he would not accept my calls, I wrote him a letter.
"Dear *****, I forgive you. Whether or not you were aware that you had this, the fact is, I now have it. What's done is done, the Past has Passed. Being angry with you will not cure me. Hating you will not remove the pain. Holding a grudge will not allow me to move on. I have chosen to abstain from sex until the time is right. As hard as it may be, I know that eventually I will have to have the talk with someone someday. I cannot, in no way continue to have sex knowing that I can pass this to someone else. The pain I feel is not agony towards my situation, but hurt of being betrayed by someone I have trusted. I refuse to have someone feel that way towards me. I hope and pray you get tested so you can start taking care of yourself. And if you honestly truly didn't know you had it, then maybe the one who gave it to you doesn't know either. We can not stop spreading this virus until we start spreading the word about it. In the past few days since I found out, I have been doing an insane amount of research. Did you know that that 1 in 5 women have this and 1 in 4 men. You can go years without a symptom. You can spread this even with a condom. You can spread this even if you are not having an outbreak(which is why you should still warn your partner so they don't get surpised 4 weeks later like me). That there are suppressive remedies to get you through this. I am not much a pill taker so I have found natural ways to help me these past few days. Vitamin L-Lysine, Echinacea, and Green Tea have done wonders:) But the bottom line here, whether you are aware of this or not, I am not mad. I forgive you. I wish you all the best. Yours Truly."
I have discovered that ANGER, REGRET, SADNESS, PITTY, REVENGE, HATE, GRUDGES, SORROW, and so on, only make dealing with this harder. It doesn't matter where you got it from, who gave it to you or how. Doesn't matter if you were lied to, cheated on, born with it, whatever... The fact is, YOU HAVE HERPES now, and all you can do it get the info and MOVE FORWARD. Its a lot to deal with, but it is manageable. Don't be afraid to have the talk with a new partner, give them the opportunity to decide, don't take the risk. Some might turn tail and run but one day, you might find the one who loves ALL of you;Tthe Good, The Bad and The Herpes;)
ps. He called a year later and apologized. Said it had been killing him inside for a year and he was so sorry. Again, I only had forgiveness towards him.View Thread
Like the one I was with, 90percent of people who have hsv, don't know they have it. Thats a large number. Get tested. Have the talk. And most of all FORGIVE and move forward.