You are certainly not alone in having these desires. I think that many men (and women too) have have kinks, paraphilias or "forbidden" sexual desires even when they're in stable, fulfilling relationships of the kind they like and have always wanted.
But even when some people are in an ideal relationship such as marriage with frequent sex, these other desires persist. I used to think that kinky desires were the result of sexual frustration in general, and when I achieved a marriage with adequate sex, they would go away. But they didn't. This tells me that some people are truly bi-sexual, to some degree at least. If you desired different kinds of sexual positions with your wife and she didn't want to do them, that would be one thing. But your particular desires are sexual activity with another man, which your wife cannot possibly fulfill because she's not a man. And despite adequate amounts of sex with her, your desires for male sexual activity persist.
I don't know what to advise you, but I do have a comment that I guess is social or political in nature. I think the gay rights movement has done more harm than good to people like you because men feel they must now label themselves as gay if they have these desires at all. We've all seen the arguments presented in the media that many men have gay desires and they resist them because they're just not out of the closet yet. I don't think this represents reality because most of these men, like you, are attracted to and sexually aroused by women, and you prefer a sexually active married life with a woman. In such a situation, the ideal society would be something like what the Romans supposedly had, where the normal avenue for sexual activity was not dictated by gender per se, but simply by how sexually attractive one perceives a potential partner as. In other words, same-sex activity was common (although heterosexuality was obviously the norm and that's what produces offspring and makes families). I would like to see such occasional relationships be normal now, although perhaps not totally in the open or something that one brags about, but at least be available without stigma. Some may say that gays (or the LGBT community as they call themselves) are in fact promoting this openness, but I don't think they are. I think they polarize the issue and want to make the world more gay than it really is. I explained my position to my fiance and she took issue with it. But then I said 'why not walk down the street naked, or have immediate sex with anyone we find attractive?' In other words, why do we have any inhibitions at all? As enjoyable (and necessary) as sex is, when you think about it, it must be inhibited and regulated in some ways. Every society does so. I think many more men would enjoy acting on the urges that you have if "gay" (or bisexual) sex were still in the closet. It always used to exist. From talking to older people I've known, it was not uncommon in, say, the 1950s for an average heterosexual male to go somewhere to get a blowjob from another male (either for free or for a small amount of money), and such a man would not think of himself as homosexual in any way whatsoever. But he didn't "come out of the closet" because there was no closet to come out of (well I guess there was sort of...) but such men married women in the normal manner and became family men like everyone else.
It's also noteworthy that for most young males entering puberty, same-sex activity such as mutual masturbation or exhibitionism with a male partner is quite common; in fact it used to be the nearly universal way that boys first became sexual with another person. From what I gather it is less common now but internet sexual activity in the same vein must be extremely common. Most boys outgrew it but there's something to be said for it. I see nothing wrong with acting out your urges with an adult male, but it doesn't have to mean you're gay or "officially" bisexual.View Thread