Hi everyone. Here is the short version. I've had performance anxiety since I was little. It was pretty severe. Due to a lot of issues I never really dated much or was able to when I was younger. Now I finally have started and I'm in my early 30's. I get so nervous when I get intimate with a girl that all the blood flows to all the wrong places. I went to a general practitioner who ran tests and said it was all in my head and I just need to calm down. He gave me this anti anxiety medicine but a half a pill of it kills my sex drive completely along with any other drive or willingness to do anything except breathe. So I went to a urologist. He also told me it was in my head but he sees it a lot and gave me a sample pack of viagra telling me to take a fraction of a pill each time before I try to have sex. The pill works and I'm no longer a virgin, but my gf is suspicious and more importantly I want to get off the meds. I tried some steel libido stuff with yohimbe and it kind of works, but I still get so ridiculously nervous. Actually It sometimes works. Sometimes not. I did try once without anything and I got hard but lost it very fast. I also find that even when I'm on viagra or steel libido I often losing it when changing positions. It usually comes back probably due to the meds. I even tried talking to a therapist and got some tips like "try to focus and stay in the moment." Yeah, I'm trying to do that, but its very tough. It also doesn't help that I just got over mono and still feel tired all the time. I went back to the urologist the other day. He again said it was common and he sees this alot and also the fact that I can't finish inside her is rough, but theres nothing that can be done. That doesn't bother me though. Its the not getting or staying erect sometimes that really gets me. Seriously, I would like to hear if anyone has similar issues or if they found anything that works. I really want to be able to get erect on my own without pills. I've only been having sex for a month and I'm perfectly healthy (says the doctors) so I need to overcome my problems. Im in love with my gf and don't want to risk anything that might push us apart. Thanks for listening.View Thread
Thanks for the reply. You have some really interesting and creative ideas. I also really like your mindset. You just seem to go with it and enjoy the moment no matter what is happening or not happening. I would like to have that. It also sounds like practice and exposure to her will make a big difference over time. I don't know if I'll be able to convince her of that, but it sounds like a great idea. Thank you again and it looks like I have some things to try. If you have any more tips, please send them to me.View Thread
First, thank you for your reply. Its interesting, I always read that masturbation worked against you. However, your advice of learning and gaining a better understanding of your body seems like a good idea. I really am going to start meditation.
I have never heard of separating orgasm and ejaculation and I've definitely never experienced. I'm going to have to do more research on that.
You are right I would like to see my penis as a friend rather than the enemy. I need to change my mindset. I know it won't be easy, but in the long term its going to help. Thanks again and if you have any more ideas or tips, please let me know.View Thread