Its apparently very common (from what I have read) for your personality to be completely different during this event. It took a while for my husband to realize that it was him instigating as well. The only remedies I have come across in my research are frequent, 'awake' sex, a reduction of stress and tension, and a steady nighttime routine. These have definitely reduced the instances, but it still happens. Talk to your partner about your behavior, and ask whether they have been able to stop you (or if they have even tried - also common is for the 'victim' to actually enjoy themselves while it is a traumatic, or nonexistent, experience for you.) If you still have concerns, see a doctor or a sleep clinic for more individualized help.View Thread
My husband suffers from this too, and the only things that we have done to help are 1. Have a very regular nighttime routine, 2. reduce stress and tension, and 3. have regular 'awake' sex. This reduces the frequency. And hey, if you've noticed that alcohol makes this tendency more aggressive, well, try not drinking before bed. Save it for weekend days. And if it continues, you should go to a sleep clinic for advice - you don't have to go to your regular doctor. I understand that it is an embarrassing situation.View Thread
My experience was somewhat different - my spouse is a sexsomniac, but always tries to go after me. He will back off if I ask, and usually wakes up if things progress to actual intercourse. (I try not to let it, for his sake, because it is very embarassing for him to wake up and not know how he got there.) It took him a while to admit that he had no memory of initiating sex, and he is now terrified that he will try something at the same time that our toddler wants to sleep in our bed. (I have delayed getting a big girl bed so far for this reason.)
But, to your question - this may be a stupid idea, but have you tried waking him when you notice the behavior in progress? As with my spouse, perhaps he has to catch himself in the act to know that it is happening. I agree that filming him would be a privacy issue, and I would argue that watching him for your own pleasure might also be taking advantage of his condition. This is not a judgement. I've taken advantage before. Just a thought that you might want to consider.View Thread
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