every time i say i am over it, i lose some power. i need to stop saying that. i feel different i should say like smoking doesn't have the same power over me that it used to. which it doesn't. the thing is, i'm not sure if that's all good or not. i feel an ability forming in me to overcome the physical part like i was never able to before. it might be an ability given to me from outside somewhere. last night after some guys were talking about smoking cigars for about 5 minutes, i became a bit obsessed and rolled up a little tiny bit. that's all it took for me to feel bad again.
so it looks like can go about 4 days right now which is better than becoming obsessed and doing it non-stop. i made a chart and instead of marking the times when i do smoke like a journal, i am checking off each day i do not smoke. this has made a difference and is making a difference in how i see quitting. it's actually not quitting anything, it's starting to live. it's quitting giving up on life. it's just so hard not to give up sometimes.
want my life to change for the better. smoking has caused me to almost kill myself (dropping cherries in my crotch while driving), i think i started a brush fire once throwing a cig out the window in california, and i hate to get the urge around children, especially ones i'm related too. i feel so disrespectful when i have to leave a family function for that. with thanksgiving and christmas coming up, quitting will pay off.
i think it is about being peaceful though too. i believe we can overcome with His power. and not in some mysterious mystical way, but in a real and practical one. it's different for everyone, but it sounds like you are struggling mightily. also sounds like you are starting to win. i am also having trouble with scatter brainedness.
i am cold turkey and i have all but overcome it. i think i battled it physically, psychologically and the last part is the emotional death of my old smoker self. it's tough because if i think about it and let myself feel it (which i do have to i believe since grief is an important process not to be skipped in life) i get mad at myself for wasting so much of life and being just generally insufficient. inadequacy is one of the biggest criminals of spiritual freedom there is.
i'm looking at the webpage now and keep up your work - it will be worth it. i am starting to see a freedom i can have inside myself, but i also need to share it with others. setting each other free and sharing in that freedom is what it's all about. don't beat yourself up too bad. take care of yourself. keep giving yourself grace - we all need it to survive.View Thread
I hear you. it took me a while to find this thread even though they emailed me a message that a reply to my message had been posted. i have quit now for 3 days and last night had stress and found myself scrounging around for enough tobacco to roll up. now i feel crappy again. i am in an extreme situation i think too. i'm a christian and trying hard to live my life rightly (which i am told is the wrong thing to do) but i do feel it's right for me to quit smoking because when i do smoke, i feel very condemned right after.
this morning after smoking last night, i had trouble getting out of bed and even noticed i was angry and bitter and didn't want to fill the dog's water bowl. i feel like i am my own worst enemy and when i do things to harm myself, i get mad at myself and find it next to impossible almost to even live life.
a couple things about your post - not smoking doesn't kill you, smoking does & i believe you are a nice person even if you don't feel like it. we all have struggles. if we can share them, we can be encouraged.View Thread
have had emotional problems and they are definitely related. i have been trying to quit for a while now and i'm a wreck almost every day. i start and stop again and i get attached and can't hardly function. i know it would get better if i could stay quit, but i have trouble killing the ex-smoker in me. i've heard you have to mourn the death of your old self. maybe that's what you are doing.View Thread
I'm looking for people who are quitting and want to encourage each other. or maybe a place just to vent some things. I have been trying to quit for a few years now. I did quit for a full year. Now I quit and start again and having trouble finding reason to stay quit. But when i start again sooner or later it gets to the point where i start smoking incessantly and spiraling into a seemingly uncontrollable tailspin of depression where i tell myself things constantly, obsessively about how i suck and am worthless in every way. it's so easy to start back up, and so difficult and takes such a long time each time i stop, i never seem to get very far.View Thread
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