I have gone to 2 Al-Anon meetings, and I will continue to attend them. They're not really helping me learn how to help him, but they're helping me to learn about the best ways I can cope. They're also doubling over to help with my own mental illness challenges. I can't say how happy I am to have found these meetings.
As for his religious beliefs, we've communicated about those. And I think his walk has a lot to do with where he is physically located. We're coming up to the last 4-5 weeks of his incarceration, and the topics in letters become more and more serious. The approach he has taken has been linked to the AA's 12 Step program. In addition, he's found solice and peace which he'd been lacking for some time. I think those he has been housed with have given him a clearer picture of what his life would be like if he doesn't make some changes and better choices.
My attendance to Al-Anon has been wonderful. The group is mixed and there are women there who are either going through similar situations to others who have been coping with the disease for over 20 years. I've found hope which I was slowly loosing during this separation. I've also been able to redirect my own personal plans and agenda for when he does return home. I can't be the policeman, and for a while there, it is the role I was assuming. It was the role I had before. And I would get angry when I failed in that role.
Thanks to both of you for your continued support.View Thread
From previous posts, I said the bf finally admitted he had a substance abuse problem and had wanted rehab. In asking for it, he was found to be in violation of his parole and landed back into the system for another 96 days. Of course, he got absolutely no help with the substance abuse in doing so. Where he orginally landed, they were holding AA meetings and religious services and so he started to attend those meetings. This is what has happened over the next few weeks:
Not only is he fully committed to recovery (which I am thrilled about, btw) but he found God. As in fundamentalistically (not so happy about). Let me explain. Communication with him has gradually shifted from what he's missing from the outside from food to freedom to the relationship to nothing but God, prayer and being saved. As in, there is little else mentioned. If I've written to him about an issue I am having, his response isn't necessarily practical advice or thought, it's "I'll pray for you" or "Give it to God." In the most recent letter I received, he berated himself for sleeping through services last Sunday and deemed that "BAD." Don't get me wrong, I am highly spiritual, but definately not religious. I'm having a hard time swallowing this swing in his faith.
So, I am curious. Is this something a lot of 12-Step recovery program participants go through? Or is my perspective that there's an extreme shift in belief system on the money? I know when traumatic things happen, the mind, body and soul struggle to recover and cope with what is going on, and I just don't know if this is one of those times? Or maybe it's simply being a part of the penile system and they're influencing it? Or a combo of both? Is it something I am just not understanding because I haven't gone through it? Help!?!!
(And I FINALLY found an Al-Anon meeting nearby. Go to one on Monday)View Thread
You should be swallowing Lamictal whole. Not sure if you could snort it, but it would seem to me the powder would lay on the back of your throat and be worse. Try taking it with a bite or two of applesauce, yogurt, pudding or ice cream. That might hide the flavor.View Thread
Thanks! I am trying to see this as a reprieve for me to pull myself together and re-create a home environment appropriate for him to recover in. Dry house, and since I've also moved dry friends to go with it. Or at the very least, people who will respect the need for it to be that way. There is nothing more I can do with the incarceration issue except to write him and reassure him I am here and he has a home when he is done. And then chalk it up to a new beginning. Justice needs to be reworked for sure, but that's a whole other topic and ball game.View Thread
Major setback. There will be no rehab for him. He was on parole, and of course during the coordination of care, his parole office needed to be notified. Because he was voluntarily in for help, the PO was able to obtain info which probably should have been blocked. Parole was to end Aug 6. Have to love a state who cannot see rehabilitation as an option. Really. Needless to say, the PO picked him up and deposited him at the county jail where he will spend the next 96 days. I had to fight with the nursing staff this morning to be certain they followed up and obtained the prescriptions he takes for the schizoaffective and bipolar disorders and the antibiotics he's supposed to be on for a lung infection. Yes, he did wrong. But was it really worth the paperwork involved for 3 weeks of time? <sigh> So now it's get him through the next 96 days and then I am going to have to convince him that he still needs rehab. UGGGGGGGHHHH!
Sorry for the rant. It just seems so freakin' pointless. You know?View Thread
I am trying my best to take care of me. Not really getting a choice in that at the moment. I have my own lovely set of mental health issues and they've been rearing their ugly heads lately.
He's just finishing up detox and we're separated right now by about 120 miles. He was attempting to enroll in a program near me, but it's wait listed for 5 months. They've found him one where he is and probably will transfer there within the next 48 hours. This of course has me reeling and struggling to figure out whether I should stay here or shift closer.
Asked him how long of a program he signed up for and it's the base 28 days. Asked if he's thought about what happens after that and I got my head chewed off and handed back to me. So I ended the call. It's just so hard to be able to see the big picture, that he needs to completely leave the area and people who have partnered with and enabled his substance abuse issues, and realize he doesn't see that yet.
I know in FL of some circumstances relating to a DUI where it was mandated that someone be part of a treatment program. There was a woman I knew who did 30 days jail time and the terms of her probation after included not only weekly UA's but she had to actively attend and participate in a drug/alcohol program. In addition, he placed her in a shelter where they could monitor her times coming and going as she had to sign in/out. The judge also required her to write a 10 page essay on her experience in the programs he mandated as well.
I have a special someone who has FINALLY realized he needs help. He's dually diagnosed with substance abuse and schizoaffective disorder, so this process is likely going to be one very long haul. I have never been a user or addict so I am struggling with understanding the things he is experiencing. He's in detox 125 miles away but is planning on transferring to a facility here for long term residential treatment. His family has completely abandoned him, and I am all he has left.
I don't really know what to say to him. When I ask him what he needs me to do, I'm told "just be there for me." I am. But I don't know what kind of long term support he's going to need from me other than eventually keeping a dry/sober home and enforcing that (and I am concerned about how he may resent me for that in the end). What else can I do to help him through this process?