although i am not a medical person, coughing and choking every single time your mother eats does not sound like "a normal part of eating" to me, no matter how long it has lasted. difficulty swallowing, called dysphagia, is something that needs to be investigated; it could be from something minor, but it could be from something more serious also.
here are a couple of webMD discussions on swallowing problems that you might want to take a look at --
finally, there is nothing improper about your calling your mother's dr and expressing your concern about this. the dr cannot talk with you about your mother's medical care, but it will be useful for him/her to know about this swallowing problem in case s/he might want to bring it up during your mother's next visit.
i'm so sorry that your husband is having this annoying problem. since you are unhappy with the way your husband's dr has approached this, you may want to get a second opinion, perhaps from a dr who specializes in orthopedics.
finally, i suggest that you repost this Q on the "knee and hip replacement" exchange, http://exchanges.webmd.com/knee-and-hip-replacement-exchange -- not because your husband has had a knee or hip replacement but because i can't find any other exchange on webMD that seems the slightest bit relevant and so i'm hoping that your Q would attract some attention there from a knee expert of some kind or from others who have suffered from this same condition.
PS -- for other readers, pseudomyxoma peritonei is a rare and slow-growing malignant tumor that produces mucus in the abdomen and pelvis. the increasing accumulation of mucus eventually compresses various nearby organs, resulting in abdominal swelling and impaired gastrointestinal function.View Thread
i am so sorry that your daughter has been having these problems, and of course, they are your problems as well. it is very possible that stress of some kind is responsible.
is it possible that something has been happening at school that is creating extra stress for her? perhaps someone is bullying her or she is having trouble getting along with other children or her teachers? it might be worth talking with her teachers to see if they are aware of anything along this line.
have you talked with her about whether someone might be touching her in her "private places" or whether someone has told her not to tell you about their "friendship"? as horrible as it is to think about, these are possibilities, unfortunately. when you talk with her about this, be sure to reassure her that you aren't and won't be angry, you just want to know how she has been feeling lately.
i also think that you should take her to the dr and have her checked out for any medical reason why she might be having bowel problems as well as for an examination of any physical indications of inappropriate contact by someone.