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Again, thank you for your response! Best of luck on your journey with your own situation. I hope everything works out for the best no matter what decision you make!View Thread






I am experiencing very similar negativity from my Husbands family members.
Our niece was taken from her parents at 3 days of age and placed in Foster care. My Husband and I volunteered to take the little Angel into our home and care for her until her parents satisfied the courts, to obtain custody of her.
After our application and other requirements were approved ...we received Her with open arms, hearts, necessities, the whole Loving works.
*******Needless to say from the very beginning of the process, my Husbands family took their stance.... leave it alone, let her stay in Foster care.
Well we now see why they were so adamant about leaving her..... the parents failed miserably......
WE ARE NOW IN THE FINAL STAGES OF ADOPTION....
We as Adoptive parents have to keep in mind the betterment of/for the child. In different family dynamics that can mean many different things.
If you would like to discuss further..... Let's uplift one another through [email protected]View Thread




~WS~View Thread







"Sam" was with us from August 23 to Dec 10th. We did apply to adopt him, but DFS chosed a diffrent family to adopt him. I am sad that he had to leave, but very happy he never has to move again.
Anthony was born December 23rd, only 2 days early. He weighed 5 lbs 8 oz and was 19 inchs long. He came home with us on Christmas Day and is a delight every day. even the days of no sleep. His finalization for his adoption is going to be in September sometime.View Thread







you might also ask this on the parenting boards too, this isn't just an adoption question- this is a concerned sister question!

You might also get the book "Love and Logic" (I'm sure you know about it sense you have experience in child care -more experiece than I do!




It also depends on what kind of adoption you're interested in.
International adoption can result in medical and emotionally troubled children, but usualy are also very easily worked through, and you'd know what you were getting into before hand.
Domestic infant children have just as much chance of medical issues as any other child, and again, you'd mostly know what you were getting into before hand. Just as if you were carrying the child yourself.
Domestic Foster care adoption has the spotlight a lot, as they are trying to find homes for waiting children, so that may be where he's gotten the idea of a "problem child" because the ones televised have been in the system for a long time, and that does come with problems, plus the neglect or abuse that brought them into care. but again, the horror stories are few and far between. I knew a young man that was adopted at 15 after 10 years of being passed around in the system, plus the 5 years of neglect and abuse before that. You'd think he'd be a surly troubled youth destined for jail. But instead he's now 19 and going to a presigous law school to be a lawyer working with the foster system.
I dont have access to the list if websites but if you google you'll find plenty of good stories. You might check locally for an information seminar or support group.View Thread




While I am all for adoption as an option in many cases, i don't agree with it in the situation you described. Unless there is some extenuating circumstance that would prevent your husband from being a good father, HE should be the one to decide whether or not he gets to parent HIS child...not you. I'm sure he already knows that you are pregnant, so how are you going to explain the disappearance of the baby once s/he is born??
You sound incredibly selfish, "I do not think being a single, working mother is for me"...maybe the baby would be better off with your husband.
I know I sound harsh here, but (as a woman), I think it's incredibly unnerving that women think the father has no say when it comes to their mutual baby.
If you don't want to raise the child, fine. But the father gets 'first dibs', even a court will tell you that.View Thread



Curent details- due in early December, father works in fast food, mother does not work currently, they are currently living with the mother's grandmother.View Thread



Update: Our DS (adopted) turned one in Feb. He is something else!





1) you should have a lawyer at least look over your paperwork. There is a lot of details that have to be verified. Some states have laws requireing that the birthparents have legal representation.
2) You Can do it without an agancy, you can contact a family law or adoption lawyer directly who can help you do the paperwork.
3) Defiantly have your friend attend counseling, she will have to work through the stages of greif no matter what she decides. in her case, she should go to acceptance pretty quickly, but it can never hurt to have someone to talk to.
4) HomeStudies are usualy done for about $1000-$2000 at the most, I know in MO if I had a private one done it woudl be $1500. google 1-800 homestudy If i remember right, its a listing of homestudy agancies.
5) I believe UT also is the only state (its either UT or ID) that allows for the adoptive parent's health insurance to pay for part of the birthmother's medical expences. call your insurance company to verify though.
6) Some of the other things you need to discuss with her is birth mother expences- the standard is to at least cover for medical expenses of the pregnancy, and all legal fees and counsuling. Sometimes you can also include a stipen for food and clothing, this is regulated state by state so you may or may not be able to claim those on the tax refund. (some states have laws against birthmother expenses to prevent birthmothers from making a profit by selling the baby) If she doesn't have health insurance, she should enroll in Medicaid which will help you on the costs.
If I remember correctly- the steps are having the home study done, filing papers with the courts as intent of adoption, parental rights termination at birth (or whatever state regulations are), Then finalization which is the absolute end.
Oh and the Birthfather has to be in agreement too. So even if it was a one night stand, he has to be told of the pregnancy and the intent of adoption and he has to sign Termination of parental rights as well. If the birth father is truly unknown, there are procedures to do a termination of rights but I dont know how its done in UT.
all told it should cost well under $5000 for everything though, including legal.View Thread



I also recomend reading the book "Toddler Adoption, the Weaver's Craft" I know you're hopeing for older than toddler, but a lot of the toddler advice will still serve in your case. Especialy if the child was neglected and is developmently behind.
we're hoping for age 0-3 ourselves, but we dont have any children of our own.View Thread



decide if you wish to adopt internationaly or domesticly
internationaly- I recomend checking out Reesesrainbow.com its an comprehensive adoption website specializing in special needs of children in eastern Eroupe and ruissa.
domestic- there are a few private adoption programs that specialzie in special needs, OR you can contact your local department of Family Services Children's devision.
the DFS have special needs children waiting in foster care where the parental rights were already terminated and they are looking for adoptive parents. Most states require adoptive only parents to take the foster care training anyway (to prepare the parent for a child that was in the system) but you dont have to deal with the system except for the transfer.
I would recomend contacting DFS, if nothing else, I know they would also know of adoption agencys that they work with to get those kids homes.
We're going to adopt from our county's DFS. We're reluctantly not accepting placement of severely medical special needs due to our inexperience and my own special needs (I have mild cerebral palsy) but social or minor special needs are on our ok list. MIssouri (my state) also classifies ALL foster children as "special needs" when it comes to state aid.
Maybe one of the other gals who pop on here sometimes can fill in the blanks




The process for adoption- it really depends on what way you want to go about doing it.
Does the Goverment help- you do get an adoption reimburment credit on your taxes the year you finalize the adoption- around $10k. Or if you decide to go by Foster to adopt, then the goverment/state helps a LOT.
International vs domestic- I believe in the long run international does end up costing more, mostly cause of travel.
The first step in the process of any form is to decide- do you want an infant, or are you thinking of an older child? Do you want a "normal healthy" child, or will special needs be an option?
Then you have to decide if race and gender matter to you.
If older children are an option (as in 3years ) you can adopt via the state foster care system, which is rediculously cheep. You can get infants via the system, but the wait can be pretty long if you dont want to risk fostering first.
Infant private adoptions can cost up to 20-30 thousand dollars for either domestic or international. Wait can be anywhere from emediate to 3 years (or longer depending on country- China has a 6-8 year wait right now)View Thread



Thank you again for your advise.View Thread



I would also suggest meeting with them without your dtr there first. That way they can go home and tell their dtr they met with you and you are nice. Then she can decide if she wants to meet you.
Also---I wouldn't "friend" your dtr on fb just yet. That may come across as too strong to the adoptive parents and make them too nervous to really want to meet with you. They may think that you are going behind their back when in reality you aren't.
This is all my opinion and being an adoptive parent how I would hope our son's biological parents would do to us. The biological mother in our case opted for a closed adoption and didn't know who the father was.
I hope this helps. Keep us updated on how everything is going, please!View Thread



One of the other options is international special needs adoptions. google Reeses Ranbow (I think thats right) its an agancy that deals with downs syndrom children in eastern europe/russiaView Thread










I can tell you what we did and maybe it will be of some help! I told EVERYONE we were hoping to adopt. We even made little business cards with our pic/name/ and 800 number and put them in everything. I sent a letter to our family and friends asking them to keep us in mind if they heard of an adoption situation. We also signed up with a couple of referral agencies that only required minimal fees to show our profile to expectant mothers. We ended up matching with a local adoption attorney after she sent out a statewide email to some social workers looking for a family to present to our daughter's first mom.

Best wishes!View Thread




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